Beauty From Ashes
by TJ Mason Writingdad@yahoo.com

The following is a work of fiction, meaning, it's COMPLETELY made up.
The characters are based on real people, but that's it. This story deals with consensual sexual realtions between adult males. If this offends you, or is illegal to view where you are, leave now. If not, enjoy. Comments and CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms are always welcome.
Flames are cheerfully deleted!!

Christmas Eve Day. It was cold outside, and for the first time in my life, we would have a real white Christmas. It was snowing again, the flakes big, and falling fast. The kids were loud in the neighborhood, enjoying the snow, being kids, making all grades of noise. This was a happy day, a joyous day. For everyone but me. The coldness outside was nothing compared to what I was feeling. Had it really only been ten days?

I moved to get up from my chair, tripped over the cast on my right leg, fell into a heap in the middle of my living room, and started
crying all over again. All the pain, the anguish, the guilt. My life was over. I thought I might as well end it myself, to stop the pain, but, I didn't own a gun, all the sleeping pills and that sort of drug had been removed by my mother, and I was out of liquor, again. All I could do was cry.

Then, the door bell rang.

"Go away," I said, through my sobs, probably not loud enough for anyone to hear.

The bell rang again.

"Leave me alone!!!" I cried.

"Ted, open this door right now!!"

The voice was not one I recognized at first. It was male, but not a relative, not my father-in-law (former father-in-law? Ex-father-in-law? What was he to me now?

"Ted, it's Ron and Steven. Open up this door this instant!!!"

Ron and Steven!!!! What were they doing here? How did they know? I hadn't talked or chatted to either of them since...

I opened the door, and burst into tears again. Ron walked in, his hair in a pony tail, grabbed me in a HUGE bear hug, and said, "It's ok, Ted. We're here. We're gonna take care of you now."

I just held onto my friend, and heaved. All the emotion I had been trying to drown came pouring out on the shoulder of my friend. I felt Steve squeeze past us, as he closed the door. I felt him put down the two suitcases he carried, then he made it a group hug, grabbing me from the back. And my two friends cried with me, sharing my pain. They cried their hearts out, like it had been their wife and son who had been killed, not mine.

"If I'm giving up three nights per week for the next two years so you can finish this degree, then you will NOT keep me from seeing you graduate. You hear me!!" she had said.

After two years of hard work, I had finished all the courses for my bachelor's degree, but had already started to work on my MBA in order to meet the requirements to sit for the CPA in North Carolina. My bachelors degree brought me fifteen credits shy of the work necessary to sit for the exam, so I had started grad school that fall. December rolled around, and those of us who had finished our coursework were given the option of walking in December. Debbie, always the picture taker, said December would be better. Fewer graduates meant she could get closer for better pictures. I thought it was stupid, but, she was the love of my life. I would do anything to make her happy. So, I walked in December. I would give anything now, to have stood my ground about not walking, or even to have waited till that Spring with the rest of my classmates. Hindsight is 20/20.

My folks came, my grandparents, Debbie's mom and step-dad, her dad and his girlfriend, all three of my brothers, their wives and kids. It was a big deal in my family when a kid (yeah, a 37 year old kid!!) graduated from college. My family made a party out of it. The graduation ceremony was ok. My family all cheered for me when I walked.It was really nice.

Try as I may, I will never, I fear, forget the ride home. The college I was attending was about thirty or so minutes from our house. The crew was going to the Golden Corral in our hometown for the evening meal. Most everyone was staying at one of the motels at the same exit. (We only had a three bedroom house, and my folks stayed with us when they came) We were almost past an exit ramp when the car in front of me slammed on brakes. I had to swerve right to miss him, because there was a transfer truck to my left. What I had not seen was the 4x4 barreling down the exit ramp that clipped my back right fender. The force of him hitting my car, spun me 180 degrees back into oncoming traffic. The semi behind us did not have a chance to stop, and, at 65 mph plowed into the passenger side of my car, killing my wife of almost thirteen years, and our three year old son, who was in the back seat. Fortunately, they both died instantly.

Unfortunately, I had lived.

While my wife was my best friend, and confidant, and lover, my son, Nate, was the light of my life. Everything I did was for him. He had been a miracle. Three different fertility specialists had told Debbie that she would never have kids. When Nate came along, we were so happy. He was the joy of our lives. Every thing he did, every move he made, every noise he made, Debbie dutifully recorded it in his baby book, or her journal. We had hoped to have a second child, but, when Nate was two, Debbie had to have an emergency hysterectomy. Nate was all we had.

Then, in an instant, they were both gone, because of some piece of trash on the rain slicked highway. My life, my hopes, my dreams, the reason for my living was gone. What made it worse was, Debbie's mom was two cars behind us, behind the semi that hit us, and saw the whole thing. She came completely unglued, and had to spend a week in the hospital. She missed the memorial service.

The next moments were a fog to me. Suddenly, much of my family was there, since we had been traveling caravan style. I just held Debbie's head in my lap, and cried, the misting rain competing with blood to wet her hair. Never again would I hear her beautiful voice call me at work. Never again would her gentle touch rub away some pain I had. Never again would she welcome me into her, loving me as only she could. Never again would I hear her tell me she loved me, that she was proud of me, that she felt lucky to be my wife.

And behind me, was the crumpled body of my dream. At three years of age, his life had come to an abrupt, tragic end.

My neck was sprained, my right leg was broken, it felt like ribs were broken (two were broken, four cracked) my arm was going to have a hell of a bruise. And yet, the pain from my injured body was nothing compared to the ache that was forming in my soul. My wife and my son were both dead. My mind was not accepting what my eyes were seeing.

I couldn't move, so when my dad finally got to my car, I told him to get Nate and hand him to me. I held his lifeless body and just cried. When the paramedics finally got there, and tried to take my Nate from me I couldn't let them. I couldn't let my baby go. Not my joy, my pride, the little guy who face lit up every time daddy came into the room, who always wanted to snuggle. My little buddy, who tried to help daddy with
all of the yard work, and any project around the house. My little angel was now an angel for real.

The paramedic gave me a shot, and a few moments later, thankfully, I passed out. I woke up a couple of hours later in the emergency room.
My mom was nearby, and came over to me when she saw I was awake. She confirmed that Debbie and Nate were in fact dead. She asked me if I had any idea what I wanted done. I told her which funeral home to call, and that I wanted them to be cremated together. We would have a memorial service in a couple of days.

About this time my pastor showed up. He was in tears, having shared our six year ordeal trying to get pregnant, knowing what a loss Debbie and Nate were. He just came over, put his arms lightly over my chest, and cried with me for a while.

Was this nightmare never going to end. Why couldn't I wake myself up? Usually when I had nightmares like this, I could force myself to wake up. But, I was having to resign myself to the fact that this was reality, not a dream.

Pastor finally stood up, and we talked about the viewing and the memorial service. I told him that I would prefer no wake, and that the family would receive condolences at the church just before the service. One time was more than I would be able to bear.

Finally, the doctor came and told me they would move me to a private room for overnight observation, but that I would be discharged the next day. Discharged, to go to my empty house, sleep in my empty bed, wake up by myself. Well, my mom and dad would be there, but I was still alone.

My mom kept me on even keel with Valium until after the memorial service. They had taken a family portrait we had just had made and had it blown up real large for the service. I was amazed at the number of people who came. I guess friends of Debbie's parents, and people she grew up with, and some of our friends from church. Both sides of my family came, and it was wonderful to see them all, but it was so hard. Too many of my memories of these people were now tied up in Debbie and Nate.

The service was short, thankfully. Pastor did a wonderful job eulogizing Debbie and Nate. Drugged as I was, I had told him I wanted to say something.

"I know that Debbie and Nate are with Jesus. I know that Debbie's back will never hurt again, that she is finally free from all pain. I know that
I will never have to worry about Nate getting hurt again, or worry about how he will grow up. Pardon me if it takes me a while to be glad about this.

"I did want you to know what a privilege it was for me to be Debbie's husband. We loved each other, very much. She was my lover, my friend,
my companion, and a wonderful mother. She sacrificed things she wanted for Nate and me, to make sure we were taken care of. She worked through the pain she was in, hoping that one day, she would be healed." I looked upward and continued, "My love, I'm so glad that you're not hurting anymore. I hope I was the husband you needed, you told me I was, but, you would never have said otherwise. I will miss you, my love, but wait for me. I will see you again.

"My love, take care of my Nate. He was such a wonderful child, always trying to please you and me, being more mad at himself when he realized he had done wrong, than being mad at us for having to correct him. You be sure to remind him that his daddy loves him, more than life itself, and that I will miss his bright blue eyes that light up his face, I will miss his hugs, his snuggles, and I will miss hearing him say 'I love you daddy,' at night.

"My wife was a wonderful woman, who loved God, me, and our son with all that she was. You know as well as I that she was a remarkable woman. I know you will miss her too."

Again, I looked up at the ceiling and continued, "Father in heaven, I don't understand why You needed Debbie and Nate to be with You, but I thank You from the bottom of my life for letting me share their lives. Thank You for bringing them both into my life. Thank You for their love, and the wonderful memories I have of them both. You blessed me greatly with a wonderful wife, and an exceptional child. Thank You, Lord. Now, Father, help me to learn to live without them. Send me the help I need. Bless everyone who came here today, Lord. Bless them for helping me to remember my wife, and my son. Amen."

I couldn't believe I actually said that stuff. I can't believe that I didn't say what I was thinking. What I wanted to say was, "Fuck you God!!! Who the fucking hell are You to take my wife and son away from me!!! I fucking hate you!!!!! Go to hell, God, just fucking go to hell!!!!" But, I maintained my composure, and didn't say those things. In fact, I wasn't even sorry that I thought them, and, smiled inwardly knowing what people would do if I had said what was also in my mind. I had meant everything I said about Debbie and Nate. Everything. But I was furious with God for taking them away from me.

The rest of the day was a blur. Thankfully, somewhere about five minutes after I said my piece, the Valium kicked into high gear, and I was floating. I don't remember the trip to the lake, I don't remember pouring out the ashes into the lake, and I don't remember the trip back to my house. Really, I don't remember anything until Ron and Steven showed up.

I have fuzzy recollections of people coming in and out at the house, of my mom and dad finally leaving. I wasn't going to their Christmas celebration this year, they would just have to get over it. I just wanted to be alone. I told Debbie's dad to come pick up our two dogs, because I couldn't look at them without thinking about Debbie, and it was just too painful for me. He did.

I received many phone calls from people wanting to offer all kinds of help. I eventually quit answering the damn thing, because I was tired of talking to people. I hadn't shaved in several days, I shouldn't have driven because of the cast, but as soon as my folks left, I headed straight for the liquor store. The man had to help me carry the four gallons of rum I bought back to the car. It's hard to carry anything when you're walking on crutches. I stopped at the grocery story, bought three three liter cokes, and headed home. When I got back home, after countless trips to and from the car, I had what I wanted. I looked, and the answering machine was blinking like a Christmas tree light. I just cut it off, and then turned off all the ringers, and took the phone off the hook.

I went to the kitchen, poured myself a VERY stiff drink, and went back to the living room. I sat down in Debbie's chair, pulled my wedding ring off, and, with tears in my eyes, put it on my right hand, where a widower wears his wedding ring.

Widower. I knew I'd never be able to live knowing I was a widower. I couldn't even go in Nate's room. I had my mom close the door before
they brought me home from the hospital. I would have to face it one day, but not today. Today, I was going to drink myself into oblivion. Today marked five days since "that" day. I have absolutely no recollection of the next five days.

The only way I knew it was Christmas Eve Day was because I turned on the tube to see what day it was. It was 7:30am when I checked, the time of day Nate normally woke up. Ever since he was a baby, his internal clock was set to get him up at 7:30. This was supposed to be the best Christmas yet. He had finally figured out about Christmas, and Santa, and had talked to every Santa that he came near. There were boxes of toys in my closet, waiting for a little boy. Waiting...

I turned the tube off, and sank back into Debbie's chair again. I hadn't changed clothes since coming back from the liquor store. Somehow, the Christmas tree had gotten knocked down. I was sure that my father-in-law had been by to check on me. I can only hope that I wasn't conscious when he came by. I'm sure he was disappointed in me, but I didn't give a fuck.

The realization that I was alone at Christmas-even if my family had been with me, I would have been alone-caused the pain in my heart to surge once more, and I dropped off to sleep.

I guess it was the noise of a car door shutting that woke me up, when I fell, when Ron and Steve showed up. These men, outside of Debbie, my best friends in the entire world. They had wandered into my life three years ago, and helped me learn to deal with my bisexuality. We shared a deep spiritual and emotional bond, as deep as what Debbie and I shared. These men who loved me like I was part of their marriage had come to help me. I knew why they were here. I just didn't know how they knew to come.

We cried for a long time, the three of us. In the three years we had known each other, they had never been able to get up for a visit. The weekends they were free, Debbie and I had something planned. Weekends that Debbie was away, they were obligated. Our entire relationship was founded on phone calls, Yahoo Instant Messenger, and e-mail. We had exchanged pictures, but never met. And, yet, these two men were as much my soul mates as Debbie was.

"Ted, why didn't you call us?" Steve asked.

"To be honest with you, I have been so wrapped up in my own grief, that I didn't even know that today was Christmas Eve until I saw it on the TV."

"We're kind of put out that you didn't call us," Ron said.

That brought tears to my eyes. "I'm sorry, guys. It was inconsiderate of me not..."

"Shhhhh," Ron said. "I didn't mean to upset you, baby. But, Debbie and Nate's deaths sent us for quite a loop too, you know. She never knew about us, I'm sure, but we loved her, and Nate, like they were ours."

"After we went five days and didn't see you on chat, you didn't return our e-mails, and didn't answer the phone at work in the morning we got worried," Steve said. "So, two days ago, I called your office during business hours, and found out what had happened. I called Ron at work
to tell him what I had learned. We cried together for a while, and then both of us got our shit together, and we left St. Augies this morning.
We're here now, and we're going to take care of you now."

"How long can you stay?" I asked.

"We're both on indefinite leave," Steve said. "I explained to my boss that my brother's wife and son had been killed in a car wreck, and that I was going to come and be with you. I've got my laptop in the suite case, I can work from here."

"And I told the center that I was going to use my qualifications as grief counselor with our brother in North Carolina," said Ron.

Ever since the two of them had accepted Jesus as savior a year and a half ago, we called each other brother. They were actually my lovers, lovers of my heart, and mind, and soul, but not my body. I know, I know, you're confused. When we first met, I was trying to free myself from homosexual urges. Through an unusual series of events, we became friends. They talked with me, cheered me on, and helped me finally realize that I was a truly gay. I was in love with my wife, and would never leave her, or have sex outside our marriage, but, I was also in love with the two of them. Weird, I know, but, hey, it helped me keep my sanity.

"So, how long are you going to stay?" I asked.

"Until you're ready for us to leave," Steve said.

"But, Mr. Peterson, first things first. You look, and smell, like shit. When was the last time you had a bath?" Ron asked.

"The day of the memorial service," I said.

"Damn, baby, no wonder you stink!!" he said, laughing a little. "Steve, get a quarter. Heads I get to bathe him, tails you do."

Steve flipped, and he won the toss. "Ok, my love, let's get you stripped and in the tub."

"I can't get the cast wet, and we have sliding glass doors," I said.

"Well, I'll just have to take the doors off," he said.

"Ted, dear," Ron started, "where are the boxes for what's left of your tree decorations? What happened to your tree, baby?"

"I don't remember what happened to the tree. I'm sure in one of my drunken fits of rage I smashed it. Would you please look for four ornaments in particular? One is the "Our first Christmas". My folks gave it to Debbie and me for our first Christmas. Then there are three ornaments that are Nate's. First, second and third Christmases. I hope I didn't break them."

"I'll look honey," he said. "But where are the boxes?"

"In the room behind the kitchen, up on the wire racks," I said. "Why, are you going to take it down?"

"If it hurt you so much to see it that you tore it down, I think it would be best if I took it down." And with that, he headed off in search of the boxes.

I heard the water running in the tub. Steve stuck his head out of the bathroom and asked where the towels and bath cloths were. I told him and he went and got clean ones.

"OK, love, let's get you out of those rank clothes," he said.

He helped me out of my clothes, and unwrapped my rib brace. I explained about my injuries to him. He marveled at the size and darkness of the bruises on my arm, and chest, but he didn't push me. I couldn't let myself down into the tub, and I started crying.

"Oh, baby, it's ok," he said. "Look, I'll just take off my pants and socks, and I'll help you. Don't cry, baby, it's ok. We're here, and you're going to be ok."

Had I not been so upset, I'm sure I would have said something about him just looking for a way to get naked with me, but I couldn't. I just couldn't muster it up.

He stepped into the tub, and then lowered me into the water. He didn't play, he didn't horse around. He just washed me. Starting with my hair, and then giving me a shave. Then he washed me all over, and it was the most tender, sweet loving, non sexual thing. He might as well have been washing his mother. I just marveled to myself about the friendship the three of us had. Then I realized that the one thing I had never wanted, I now had. The freedom to consummate our love affair. The realization of that shocked me.

I jerked my head and looked at Steve.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"No, no. I just thought about something. It's nothing."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, let's get you up, and dried off." He helped me out of the tub, dried me off, being very careful with my ribs. He re-wrapped my ribs, and then went hunting for my clothes while I dried my hair.

He helped me get dressed, and then was getting ready to help me to the living room when I grabbed him and hugged him tightly. "I love you, my Stevie," I said, tears streaming down my face.

"I love you too, Teddy"

He helped me back to the living room, where Ron had done a good job of cleaning up the mess that was the Christmas tree.

"Uh, Ted, honey, uh, I noticed a couple of liquor jugs in the kitchen, uh, four actually, and, well, Ted, baby, they're all empty."

"Yes, Ron, I know. I've been drunk for five days. Please don't lecture me, please?" I looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I'm not going to lecture you, baby. I'm just concerned. You look gaunt, your eyes are sunken in. Have you even eaten in the last five days?"

"I don't know," I said.

"Well, I won't fix you any meat, but, we're going to get something in you, boy," he said. Oh, did I mention that Steven and Ron are vegetarians? They are.

He rummaged around in the pantry and came up with some pasta and sauce. He fixed it while Steven tidied up a bit. I just sat there looking out the window, wondering what I was going to do next.

"Steve, dear, would you hand me the cordless phone, and then go hang up the phone beside my bed, please," I asked him.

"Sure, babe," he said.

I called my folks. I told my mom that I was better, that two very good friends, one of whom was a grief counselor, had taken it upon themselves to come from Florida, take their vacation, and help me get things settled. She was glad to hear that I was ok. I didn't tell her what had I had been through the last five days. She asked again if I was sure I didn't want anybody to come over for Christmas Day.
I told her that Ron and Steve would be with me and I would be fine.

Next, I called over to my mother-in-law's. Her husband answered, he told me she was better, but was still pretty much in shock. I asked him if he needed anything, and he said no. He sounded pretty broken up, and I told him that Ron was available to him (after explaining what Ron does) if he wanted. He said no. I told him if he needed me, I was there for them, and I hung up.

Then I called Debbie's dad. He's never home, so I just left a message, thanking him for taking the dogs, for watching out for me, and I apologized if I had said anything to him in the last several days. I told him that some close friends from out of town were staying with me a few days, that he was welcome to stop by if he wanted to.

By this time Ron had lunch ready. I didn't realize how hungry I was. Steve said grace. "Father, thank You for bringing us safely to be with Ted. We thank You again for the lives of Debbie and Nate, how, even from a distance, they brightened our lives. We thank You that we know that they are with You, and You are taking care of them. Thank You, too, Father, for allowing Ron and myself the privilege of taking care of Ted, thank You for the honor of his love for us, and for letting us love him. We thank You for this food You have provided for us, and for the hands that prepared it. Bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies, and our bodies to Your service. Amen."

"You are an amazing man, Steve," I said.

"What'd I do?"

"Nothing, love, you're just you." I took his hand, and Ron's, and said to them both, "I love you guys. Thank you so much for coming to be with me."

We ate lunch, talking about nothing. I asked them what they did about their Christmas. They had already exchanged their gifts, but they each brought one with them, and one for me, just in case. I told them I didn't have anything for them, and they said they didn't care. I couldn't bear to open the packages from under the tree. Debbie normally had hers and Nate's gifts wrapped and under the tree early in the month. This year was no different. There were several boxes with my name on them, and several with Debbie's and Nate's names from me.

"Ron, will you or Steve drive me to town?"

"Sure, babe. What do you need?"

"I think I will take Debbie's and Nate's presents to some people who might could use them."

"Oh, Ted," Ron said, tears forming in his eyes, "You don't have to do that, baby."

"I know, but I can't bring myself to unwrap them, I don't know if I can even unwrap the ones to me from them. Please, take me." I asked.

Steve said, "It will be my honor to help you, baby," and he started gathering the packages from under the tree.

Steve and Ron packed up Debbie's car while I hopped into the bedroom to get my coat. Steve helped me to, and into the car. I gave him the keys, and we set out for town.

We dropped the packages off at a church I knew that took up donations. I told them we'd be back the following week with some lady's and toddler clothes, but that I just didn't have the heart to do it just yet. The man who was there knew my father-in-law, and he hugged me and told me how sorry he was, and a tear dropped out of his eye. I said thank you, and Steve and I headed back to the car.

"Baby, I'm not quite ready to go back to the house yet. Will you take me to Wal-Mart?"

"Are you sure you want to be around children and Christmas?" he asked.

"I'll be ok, baby. This is something I need to do."

I called Ron from the car, told him we were going to be out for a while, but would be back soon. He said for us to take our time.

We walked into Wal-Mart, Steve helping me. I wasn't too good with the crutches. He found me one of the motorized carts, and we started making our way through the store.

As we got close to the jewelry counter, I sent him over to the grocery story to pick up some stuff so he and Ron would have something to eat.

It was subterfuge!! I went to the jewelry counter, and told the lady what I was looking for. She showed me a couple of styles, and I chose one of the styles, had her ring up the sale, and I tucked it into my coat.

I also went over to the men's department, got them both shirts that were the style they wore, and had them wrapped up.

I caught up with Steve as he was headed to the checkout counter.

"Hey, baby!!" he said. "Would you look at that!!"

"What?"

"There's actually a sparkle in your eye!!"

"It's you and Ron," I said. "I'm feeling better just because my men are with me."

"And we'll never leave you, baby," he replied. "What's in the bags?"

"Oh, just some stuff I know I needed," I said.

We checked out, loaded up the car, and headed back to the house. When we got there, I heard the dryer and the dishwasher running, and Ron was wrapping the cord around the vacuum as we walked in.

"Well, hello, Hattie the Housemaid," I said as I walked into the living room.

"Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on," he said with a smile.

Steve made a noise like a horse braying, and we all three laughed.

"Oh, Ted, it's so good to see you laugh," Ron said.

"You guys have always brought out the best in me," I said.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty much uneventful. We talked, watched some TV, and just basically hung out. They took turns sitting on the couch behind me, letting me snuggle up to the both of them. They had gotten to where they would kiss me on the top of my head, or on the cheek whenever they left the room. They worked together to finish the laundry. Ron managed to get Nate's clothes into his room while I was in the bathroom. They were really going out of their way to make me feel comfortable.

I had asked Steve to get a bottle of wine to go with whatever Ron was making for dinner. It was a wonderful meal, some vegetable dish I had never heard of, but was fantastic. We had white wine with dinner, and, after Ron said grace, I proposed a toast.

"To my two best friends, I love you two with all that I am. I thank God for you."

We clinked our glasses, and had dinner. While Steve and Ron cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher and started the coffee, I Christmas music on the CD. I marveled at the two men in my kitchen. They had overcome some difficulties in their youth, and early in our relationship. One of the things I most admired about the two of them is, they were completely devoted to one another. Their love for each other was so strong, that it always got them through whatever they faced. They came into the living room, bringing me a cup of coffee.

We sat and visited. I gave them the shirts I had picked up for them, and they gave me two CD's I had been looking for, but had not been able to find.

We mapped out a plan for the next several days. They were going to help me with settling Debbie's estate. From her life insurance proceeds, and Nates, after I paid off the funeral expenses, and paid off my mortgage, I was still going to have a rather large chunk of money. I wanted my wife and my son.

The next several days flew by. Between Ron and Steve helping me get around, finally going through Debbie's things, cleaning them, and taking them to Goodwill, and beginning to clean up and out Nates stuff, it was a rough week. I was so thankful that Ron and Steve had showed up. I know how depressed I was when they showed up at my door, and I hated to think what would have happened if they hadn't.

New Year's Eve was upon us. I had checked on my mother-in-law, and she was still not right. I think seeing her daughter and grandson die in front of her eyes was too much, and she had retreated inside herself. It was really sad, and I told Bob, her husband, to call me if he needed anything.

Ron and Steve had made dinner reservations for New Years at one of my favorite restaurants for early in the evening. They knew that it was also supposed to have been Debbie's and my fourteenth wedding anniversary, so they went out of their way to try and keep my spirits up. I appreciated what they did, more than they knew.

During the week, I had not heard them having sex. I knew from them telling me that they were very verbal men, so I figured that they had just been being quiet for my sake.

They cared so much for me. It was evident in what they did, what they were doing. I could see their love for me in their eyes, and I knew that I had completely fallen in love with them. It was a hard thing for me, but I decided to let go of Debbie. I would love her, and Nate, until the day I
died, but we had talked many times in our marriage that if one of us should die, the other should move on, and find someone new. Little did she know that I had been in love with two men for three years. I knew that tonight would be the beginning of the new chapter of my life. From the ashes of my despair, a new, beautiful chapter of my life would begin.

After dinner, we went back to the house, changed into comfortable clothes, and settled in on the couch. While they were changing, I got the other present I had for them, and hid it where I could get to it quickly.

"Hey, guys, I have something I want to give you."

"We already have everything we need," said Ron. "We're here with you. What more could we ask."

I reached down under the cushion and pulled out the three little small boxes.

"Ron, come sit on my other side."

So, we sat there on the couch, me in between these two incredible, beautiful men.

"I have loved the two of you for three years now," I said. "We have been through good times, and bad times, happy times, and, now, times of tragedy. Before now, there was a part of my heart that was not yours. It was Debbie's and Nate's. Life has dealt me, and you, a cruel blow by taking them from me, but now I can freely give you all of my heart. All of my heart is yours. I don't want it to belong to anybody else. Fourteen years ago this afternoon, I pledged my love and my life to Debbie. I committed myself to her, and her alone"

"Today begins a new chapter in my life, and, I hope, in yours I am willing to commit myself to the two of you, if you will have me. I promise to love you, and no one else. If you let me, I will share my life, my love and all that is mine with you."

I reached down, grabbed two of the boxes and handed them to them. They each opened their own box, and looked up, and looked rather strangely at each other.

"This is too weird," said Steve.

"What?" I asked.

Ron got up, went into the guest bedroom, and came back with a small gift wrapped box.

"This is our gift to you, love," he said.

I opened it up, and inside was a smaller box. When I opened it up, inside, under the cotton, were three rings, identical to the ones I bought for them. I reached under my leg, and pulled out the third box, with the matching ring.

"I guess this means this is right," Steve said.

"I guess this means were...uh...a trio," Ron said.

I reached over and hugged Ron, and then Steve.

Ron took my hand, and Steves, and said, "I desire to spend my life with the two of you, together, as a family. I give to you both my heart, my soul, all that I am, and all that I have. I promise to love you both equally, not favoring one over the other, and I promise to be faithful to both of you. Will you share your lives with me?" he asked as he looked first to Steve, and then to me. I started to speak, but Steve stopped me.

"I desire to spend my life with the two of you, together, as a family. I give you my heart, my soul, all I am, and all that I have. I promise to love both of you, equally, and not to favor one over the other. I promise to be faithful to both of you. I give myself to the two of you, body, and soul."

Then I got to speak. "I love the two of you, more than I thought possible. You will never replace Debbie and Nate, and I know you don't want to. I know that I can never love another woman like I did Debbie, and I promise both of you, to save my love for you. I, too, want to live the rest of my life with you, and only you, regardless of what things may come. I pledge my love to you, and give to you both all that I am, and all that is mine. I promise to be faithful to the two of you, until death separates us. I give myself to you both."

Ron reached down and picked up one of the rings from the box I had opened, and put it on my finger. Steve picked up one of the rings, and slid it on the same finger. Then I took one of the rings, and put it on Ron's finger, and Steve did the same. Then Ron and I put the last two rings on Steve's finger. I looked at Ron, and then at Steve, and I leaned towards Steve to kiss him. As I did, Ron leaned in as well, and the three of us shared our first kiss.

"Does this mean we're on our honeymoon?" Steve asked.

"I hope so," I responded. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Bedtime," Ron said, with a smile on his face.

Together, they picked me up, and carried me into the bedroom, and together, they undressed me. Steve and Ron quickly undressed, and climbed into the bed with me, one on each side. We were exploring each others bodies with our hands, as we three way kissed. The kissing was awesome. I don't know how we communicated, but, one of us would drop out, and the other two would just keep at it. Me and Steve, Steve and Ron, Ron and me, all three of us. Our tongues were working magic in each other's mouths.

And our hands...they had me at an extreme disadvantage. First of all, they had been lovers for seven years, and so they were both exploring my body, already knowing each others very well. I only had two hands, one for each husband, so between the two of them, they were driving me wild! Their caresses were soft and tender, gently rubbing my arms, my ears, my nipples, my cock and balls, my legs, my ass. It was all I could do to keep myself from cumming. I pretty much just jerked my boys. Steve was already starting to breathe ragged, so I knew he was close.

"Feed me, my love," I said as I looked at him.

He slipped up, straddled my shoulders, and started feeding me his gorgeous 9" dick. It had been years since I had a dick in my mouth, and I gagged a little at first, but I took him all the way to his pubes. I loved the feel of his dick in my mouth, so warm, and hard, and velvety. I started bobbing, but it was hurting my ribs. Steve grabbed the sides of my head, and slowly fucked the hell out of my face. All this while, Ron was sucking on my nipples. Sucking and biting, twisting, and licking. I was bucking like a wild man. And I was jacking his dick for all I was worth.

"Steve, baby, you better not waste any time, or I'm gonna blow all over his stomach," Ron said.

"Oh, baby, suck me, yeah, that's it, Ted, suck my monster meat...unhhhhhh....unnnnhhhhhhh!!" and he drove that pylon down my throat as the first pulse of his cum shot down my throat.

I sucked as hard as I could, not wanting to waste a drop, and pulled my head back so I could take his seed in my mouth. He pulsed about seven total times, and I had to swallow after the first five pulses. The last two sort of dribbled into my mouth, and then I swallowed my mans seed, and sucked the residue out of his cock. He didn't get soft, but he pulled out, and was almost immediately replaced by Ron.

I barely got Rons dick good and wet before he was shooting. He, too, had a 9" piece of beauty, just as strong, just as smooth, but with a nuttier taste than Steve. I drank down his load, and sucked him dry too.

"More, I want more of the two of you," I breathed.

Their response was to start licking my dick together. One on each side of me, they would alternate actually sucking me, and licking my dick. They licked my nuts, each taking one nut in their mouth, and then they would french kiss each other with my nuts in their mouths. Then they would work on my dick, licking and sucking, nibbling and kissing.

"Oh, guys, I'm gonna cum!" I screamed.

Steve promptly swallowed my 7" throbbing dick all the way. Just as I bottomed out, I thrust my dick even farther down his hot, wet, tight throat, screamed, and started shooting. Realize, it had been over two weeks since I had cum, and my nuts were full. Steve almost choked on my first two spurts, but then he quickly pulled off, to be replaced by Ron, who didn't waste a drop. I have no idea how many time I shot, but they traded places twice. My orgasm finally started to subside, and they sucked my dick clean.

"Now that's the way to start a marriage," Ron said.

"Well, you two are definitely yummy!" I said. "Now who's gonna make love to me first?"

"I think Steve will," Ron said. "Actually, I'm going to take a shower, and leave the two of you for a few minutes. When I'm done, Steve will leave the two of us for a while. You know we talked about this right after we first met, how we each wanted to be with you alone. We talked in the plane, and decided that if the opportunity came, this is what we wanted. The three of us have the rest of our lives for group love making. Right now, let's let each of us get to know you better, and you us," and he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Oh, Steve. I've dreamed about this for three years."

"I know, my love, so have we."

"Take me, my love, plant your seed in me, and make me yours."

He rolled me onto my side (damn this cast!!) and dove face first into my ass. He started rimming me like he was a dying man, and my ass was his last meal. I was moaning and groaning, loving the feelings he was producing. "In the top drawer you'll find a tube of KY and a hand towel," I told him. He got up from the bed, got the stuff and climbed back in bed with me. "You'll have to go slow, my love," I said. "It's been a long time."

"I'll be gentle, my love," he said.
 

After a moment, I felt him start to slide a slicked up finger in my ass. The first finger went in with no trouble, and I was bucking back into him, wanting more. He quickly slid a second finger in me, spinning them around, spreading them, loosening me up. Then, a third finger made it's way inside me. I felt like I was being split open, but, I wanted him, more than anything I had ever wanted in my life.

"Baby, take me, make me yours," I moaned.

He put the head of his beautiful dick up to my ass, and gently started pushing in. I knew that, even as well as he had loosened me up, it would be painful. I mean, hell, he had a 9" dick!! I may as well have been a virgin, since it had been over 15 years since I had a man in me!!

I felt him stretching me, felt his huge head pushing into me. I pushed back, willing that big, fat, hot, hard dick into my ass. I thought he was going to rip me open, but, I felt him sliding in. As soon as the head past my sphincter, he stopped a minute. As soon as the pain subsided, I pushed back against him, he pushed into me, and in one fell swoop, he was in to the hilt.

"Oh, Steve, you feel so wonderful, baby," I said.

"You're so tight, Ted," he said, "and so hot. I'm glad I've already cum once, otherwise I'd pop my nut in nothing flat."

He started to slowly pull out, and I grasped him with my ass muscles, trying to keep him in me. He moaned his appreciation. When he pushed back into me, I relaxed, and he slid right back in, all the way.

"Oh, Ted, you feel so good. You're so tight, and hot, and wet. I could make love to you forever, but, I'm not going to last long."

"I wish you could kiss me," I said. I had tried to turn over, but the twisting hurt my ribs.

"Soon, love, soon."

He started long dicking me, driving into me with such force. I opened myself to him, giving myself to him completely. His breathing became erratic, and his pumping did too. About this time, Ron came out of the bathroom. Steve was almost there, and I felt him punch into me, and
I felt his dick jerk.

"Oh, fuck, baby...oh, damn....oh, shit" he said. "You're awesome, Ted...oh, God, I love you, man"

"Fill me with your seed, baby...make me yours," I responded, clenching my muscles around his jerking dick.

Ron climbed onto the bed, in front of me, and started kissing me like there was not tomorrow. He broke away and said, "Do you two know how beautiful you are? Seeing you together like that makes me love you both so much, but, Ted, I want you to, my love."

"I need you in me, Ron," I said, as I looked into his eyes, willing him to see the love I felt for him.

Steve pulled out of me, and he and Ron changed places.

"This time, love, you'll have someone to kiss," he said, as Ron started pushing into me.

I was nice and loose now, and easily managed Rons' nine incher. I had never had an uncut man before, and, from where I was, I couldn't tell a difference. Only when I was sucking him.

Steve started kissing me, taking my breath away as he stuck his tongue down my throat. Ron started making love to me, slowly. He would pull all the way out, until just the head of his dick was still in me, me grasping at him, trying to keep him in me. Then, just as slowly, he'd
push back into me, and I would relax, loving the feel of his mammoth dick inside me.

Steve was kissing me, trying to shove his tongue all the way down my throat. Then, he started kissing his way down my body, turning, bringing us into a 69. I swallowed him all the way in one swoop. I could taste myself and his cum on him. It was an incredible turn on.

Ron started speeding up, his breathing beginning to become labored. The harder he pumped me, the harder I sucked Steve, the harder Steve sucked me. I could tell that the two of them were getting close, and Steve was playing my flute masterfully. I started groaning first. I could feel my orgasm building from somewhere deep inside me. Then, Ron, sensing how close I was, started hammering my prostate, sending me over the top. I started cumming, hard, into Steve's vacuuming mouth. I was moaning all over his big prick, my ass muscles clamping on Ron, and the two of them rammed their pricks into me, one in my mouth, the other in my ass, and they both started cumming. Feeling Ron filling my ass full of his love, and his seed, and drinking down Steve's offering, caused me to cum again, albeit, not very much. But Steve was on it, drinking my nectar, sucking me clean.

In a moment, we all collapsed. I was completely content. I had one husband still buried up my ass, and the other down my throat. Their seed was dripping from my now well worn ass, and I could taste Steve in my mouth. I pulled Steve out of my mouth and said, "I love you two. You have just made me the happiest man on earth."

"I'm not so sure about that," said Ron. "We've been waiting to bring you into our family for a long time. Now, the three of us are one, we are complete."

"I'll never stop loving, or missing Debbie and Nate," I said, "but I am so grateful to God for giving the two of you to me."

"And we are equally blessed," said Steve.

"I love you guys," I said.

"I love you," Ron said to me.

"I love you, too," Steve said to me.

Ron got up, cleaned up in the bathroom, brought out a cloth and cleaned Steve and me. Steve helped me into the bed while Ron checked to make sure all the doors were locked.

Ron came back and climbed in bed behind me, him spooning me, and me spooning Steve.

"Dear Lord," I said, "Thank You for my husbands. Thank You for bringing us together, and for allowing us to love each other. I pray,
Father, that you will bless our unusual marriage, help us three to always love each other, help us to never pit one against the other, but always put the needs of the other two ahead of our own. We have given ourselves to each other, and we, as a family, dedicate our lives to You. We love you, Father, and praise You for Your wonderful plan, Your working in our lives, for Your blessings, and Your love. Bless, preserve and keep us, we pray. Amen."

"I love you, Steve," Ron said. "I love you Ted."

"I love you, Ron, I love you Ted," Steve said.

"I love your Ron, and you Steve," I said. More than you will ever know. I drifted off to sleep, warm and safe in the arms of my loving husbands, as the snow started lightly falling again outside.