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Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2024 23:34:29 +0200
From: Ryan White <liciousryan@gmail.com>
Subject: Holy Shit, My Brother Is Hot, Chapter 4

AHOY PEEPS!!

You lot are awesome. THANK YOU for the great feedback on my story. I really
appreciate each and every one I receive.

I'm always up for a chat, so gimme a mail on liciousryan@gmail.com if you
like my stories. Even if you hate them hahaha.

Enjoy the fourth chapter!
Ryan xx


HOLY SHIT, MY BROTHER IS HOT!
CHAPTER FOUR


"Are you one of them too, Lukey? Is that why you are so desperately
defending that sorry excuse for a human being? Are you a faggot too?"

Honestly, I wanted to grab Van and shake the evil out of him, for doing
this to our kid brother. What was Lukey supposed to even say?

Come to think of it, even I didn't know what his sexual preference was, but
even so, what the hell did it have to do with Van in the first place?

Because sure...me and Lucas had indeed kissed each other...as if our lives
had depended from it, earlier that same afternoon behind the barn down on
the ranch, so I knew he had to be at least...bisexual?

If even that? Then again, he did admit that he wanted to do it from the
moment that he first saw me a week or so ago, and quite frankly, the
feeling was way more than just mutual.

"Lucas, you really don't have to answer that, okay? It's just Van, being
Van...can't be happy in his own life, so he has to make other's a fucking
misery too..." our sister Natasha decided to throw in her own two cents in
the matter, which had Van roll his eyes in complete and utter disgust.

"Well, no one was talking to you, anyway...why don't you go and finish the
dishes in the kitchen, where women like you needs to be, instead of letting
Lukey here do it for you..."

"HOLY SHIT...Jesus Van, can you hear yourself? Did you time travel back to
the 1800's? Never mind Jack, you're gonna chase ME away from the ranch too
at this rate! Is that what you want? To fucking alienate everyone and
anyone who still cares even a shit about you?" Natasha thundered at my
middle brother, with Lucas still staring down at the kitchen floor before
him.

Van smirked and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he did so.

"For your info...sister dear, the whole reason why Mom and Dad had such a
happy marriage, was because each had been assigned to their gender
role. Dad worked on the ranch and brought the money in, and Mom stayed at
home and raised us, and made sure Dad had a meal to come home to every
night. That is where a woman needs to fucking be, for the good of any
relationship. But no, YOU...and all the other new age girls out here wants
to BETTER themselves, go to the city and get JOBS, earn more than your
husbands do...need I go on?"

It was quiet for a moment, you could actually hear a needle falling to the
floor, if that would have been the case. Natasha took a deep breath, and
turned towards me and Lucas.

"Can I hitch a flight with you tomorrow, Jack? I'll pay you back whenever,
because I figured with you going home tomorrow, I'll stay a little while
longer and support Mom and help look after Lucas, but...I can't do
this. Not with him here, I can't do this, I fucking refuse."

All I did was nod slowly, before Van grinned nastily, and threw his hands
up in the air.

"And once again...as always, I'm the fucking PIG in the entire situation!
Evil, disgusting...old fashioned Van Holt...just living the life that he
was taught to, and living by the standard set of rules like people around
here has been doing for ages...I'M the evil one, am I?"

Van grimaced and pointed his finger straight at me, looking each of us in
the eye, one by one.

"Jack here, gets caught in bed by Dad with another dude, and breaks up our
entire family and I'M the screw up? You, Tash, you fuck off to the city for
a year, and come back totally changed and yet again...I'M the CLOWN here?
You two...you two can go straight to actual hell..." Van spat out, before
he turned to Lucas and placed his hand firmly on our youngest brother's
shoulder, looking him straight in the eyes.

"I've cared about you even since you were born...I fucking fed you, I even
clothed you. I love you, so fucking much that it actually HURTS
sometimes. When you hurt your knee, I'm there. When you cry, I'm right
there. When you so much as have a scrape on your arm, I'll be there with
THREE fucking plasters...because I swore, I would protect you, when you
were born! Don't...don't let THEM...turn you against me!" he whispered, as
urgently as I had ever heard him, before he grabbed his hat, and stormed
out of the kitchen.

**

"I dunno what time I'll be landing, it could be anywhere around
nine-a-clock tomorrow night, Craig. Yeah, I realise that you don't like
driving in that time...no, I can get an Uber, it's no problem..."

"Do you realise how much I miss you, Jack? You've been gone a week, and I
would have loved to be there tomorrow for the funeral, because that's what
husbands do..."

I sighed, and took a sip of my warm milk that I had made for me a couple of
minutes ago, because answering Craig's call. I spiked it with a little of
Dad's brandy that I found in his study...God knows I don't think I would
have gotten any sleep tonight if I didn't.

"Babe...it's not gonna be possible. My brother is a total nightmare, like I
said, and if you turn up here as well...look, he can hardly stand ME being
here. I'll just stay for the funeral and then my mom promised she'll get me
to the airport on time, okay? I'll see you tomorrow night."

"I mean it, Jack. I missed you...I didn't think I would as much as I did,
but...my heart is aching here, my love..."

I closed my eyes and took a huge breath...I honestly wish he wouldn't have
said that.

I don't think I have thought about Craig more than three...maybe four times
since I have been here.

Not since I saw Lucas for the first time in eight years, and...something
inside my chest threw an entire unexpected curveball my way. He was
literally the most beautiful human being that I had ever seen, regardless
of his gender, and regardless of the fact that he was my kid brother. All
that aside, I had serious doubts of what I HAD to do after the funeral
tomorrow.

Never, ever...has the thought to going home to see Craig, felt more...more
depressing. And I had NO right to feel that way, none at fucking all. Craig
was any gay man's dream, he was a good husband, he loved and cared for me
at a time, where I felt fucking lost...shunned by my family, shunned by
everything that I had ever knew...everything that was familiar.

Total cliche, but he made me whole again...he gave me a future and a
home. Together, we managed to build a solid, romantic life for the two of
us.

I had NO reason not to go back. I had ZERO reason not to get on that
fucking plane as soon as possible and fly back to my husband.

It's just...FUCK.

"I missed you too, Craig. You get some sleep now, okay? I'll be back home
before you know it," I said as cheerfully as I hoped it sounded in my head,
before finally ending the call, and placing my phone softly down on my
chest.

I wanted to cry.

Dad's voice, once more thundering inside the corners of my ears and my
mind...boys don't cry. Only sissies do.

Guess I was one, then.

Jesus.

A soft knock at the bedroom door caught my immediate attention, and I
quickly wiped my tears away, thinking that it surely must be either my mom
or Natasha wanting to say good night...

...but instead, it was Lucas, peeping his handsome teenage face into my
room from the cold, wintery outside world. I immediately sat upwards, my
eyes firmly on my beautiful little brother.

"Lukey! What...I thought you were sleeping, is something wrong? Are you
okay? Is it Van..."

Lucas opened the door a little, before peeping around behind him, and
satisfied that there was no one watching what he was doing, he grinned and
entered my room, closing the door and locking it, before he hobbled over
towards me and sat down on the bed.

"I was so cold...I thought I could sleep with you, you know...like we
always did when I was a kid...?"

I rolled my eyes. Barely fifteen and he knew EXACTLY how to get what he
wanted. Boy, he was going to be a thorn in some lucky bitch's side one day.

"You're STILL a kid...get in then," I smirked, as he smiled happily and
pulled the duvet cover of from me, and slid his tall, muscular body in
besides my very own. He immediately laid his head on my shoulder, and a
splash of dejavu suddenly hit me like a cock in the face.

I remembered...this. It was several years ago, but this...it happened many
times before. Van wasn't the only little boy years ago, who vowed to
protect his newly born little brother for the rest of his life...whether
Lucas could remember it or not, God knew, but I did. I swore...in my naive
nine-year-old little mind that I would ALWAYS...ALWAYS be there for
him. For Lucas...Lukey.

"This is nice...you're so warm..."  he whispered as he snuggled his entire
body against me.

Panic rose up in me, just as it did earlier this afternoon behind the
barn. For a week now, I have struggled with my feelings...what I felt for
my kid brother, more than anyone could possibly imagine...I NEVER wanted to
be THAT guy that you read about in Nifty's Incest archives...I never wanted
to be attracted to a sibling, and because of my past, I never thought I
ever would. I was one of the lucky ones, surely...

...but as I held Lucas tighter to my body...feeling his own warmth, his
incredible innocence and his milky-white teenage body clinging to me, threw
all that into the proverbial rubbish bin, effective immediately. I kissed
his temple and he sighed happily, looking up at me, with those beautiful,
childlike blue eyes.

"Do you have to go tomorrow?" he asked softly, leaning down and kissing my
shoulder, before he leaned upwards and kissing my cheek with those soft,
boyish lips.

I shuddered. Goosebumps spread across my entire body as he did so...my cock
was answering back with sheer morbid curiosity...he would have been dead
not to feel my penis growing against the inside of his right leg. I cupped
the side of his face with my left hand, before smiling down at my little
brother.

"I supposed I have to...I have to get back to my job, and of course I would
love not to see Van for a couple of years, at the least...oh, and my
husband...of course," I said, my eyes flickering away from his as I said
the damned word.

Lucas laid his head back down on my shoulder as he caressed my upper chest
with the warm palm of his hand.

"Yeah...Craig, I know..." he whispered softly.

A pain from deep inside my chest threatened to overwhelm me. I closed my
eyes and WILLED myself not to fucking cry, but Lukey was making it
impossible. I had JUST found him again, after all these years away, and
now...JESUS, why was it so HARD?

A tear escaped my eye without me having any sort of control over it. And of
course, as luck would fucking have it, it would drip directly on the side
of Lucas's cheek. The latter winced as he felt the warm liquid touch his
skin, and he quickly wiped it off, before his eyes widened, as he probably
only then, realised just WHAT it actually was.  "Jack...Jesus, Jacky,
you're crying..." he said softly, reaching upwards, before I quite frankly
knew what he was gonna be doing, and my heart just...SWELLED when the
little shit proceeded to gently wipe my tears away.

Everything stood still...it was like time had frozen. Lucas had a look on
his face that I couldn't quite place, and I had no words left inside me
either. Slowly, as if in a horror movie, Lucas's handsome features came
closer, ever closer towards my own. I did nothing to stop him...I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

When his lips finally touched mine, I sighed into his mouth, reaching
upwards and holding the back of his body against mine, as he too, felt the
sheer force and the steel magnetism of what the hell we were doing. Two
brothers, coming from the same bloodline, doing the most forbidden actions
imaginable to man kind.

Like we cared.

Tongues searching and finding their mates...spit and saliva being swapped
in and out of our mouths like candy at fucking Halloween...hands and
fingers and bodies touching each other just EVERYWHERE they possibly could,
just to have SOME degree of being closer together...

God, I don't think I had EVER felt like that, ever before.

And certainly, never with Craig.

I finally bit his bottom lip as a sign that I needed some fucking oxygen,
as we both panted for air, and I leaned my forehead against his, desperate
as anything to just have some kind of touch...contact...some kind of
reality where I didn't have to get on a plane in a few hours and leave him
here. I kissed his forehead and grabbed his lips between my own once more,
before another raw cry escaped from my throat...

"Jack...?"

"JESUS, Lukey, don't you GET it?"

"Get what...?"

"I don't...I don't wanna go!" I finally admitted, the feelings of guilt and
torture and what THIS would do to Craig, if he ever knew the truth,
flabbergasted my entire being and existence.

I just couldn't hold it anymore...I couldn't keep it a secret for one more
moment. If I was going to get on that plane and go home back to my
husband...GOD...tomorrow, then Lucas had to know what was happening. He had
to know how I felt.

Lucas swallowed slowly, digesting what I said as best as he probably could,
before he smiled sadly and buried his face inside the crook of my neck.

"I don't want you to go either, brother. You were gone for so long and now
you're finally back and we have all of this...whatever this is, and I don't
know how I'm gonna do tomorrow after Dad's funeral knowing that you're not
gonna be here. I didn't ask to feel this way, Jacky...I honestly tried my
best to hide who...what I really am, but between Dad and Van, I always knew
some day they would gonna realise that I was just like you."

I kissed his soft blond hair, and with the affirmation that I suspected
since this afternoon, I gently caressed his back, holding him tighter
against me.

"I'm glad Dad died not knowing about you being gay too...because look what
happened to me. Sometimes I think if I was just...honest with him and
Mom...told them how I felt, maybe Dad wouldn't have banished me from the
ranch. Instead, he found me in bed with a ranch hand...a boy my age at the
time. It must have been crazy as hell for you, keeping this a secret all
this time...?"

Lucas nodded, his head still buried in my neck, before he sighed, his warm
breath cascading over my skin, making my dick once more respond in kind,
before he looked up and slowly...carefully, as if not to hurt me...placed
his hand on the centre of my chest.

I couldn't breathe. He was so incredibly beautiful, it was insane. My kid
brother. My blood. My DNA.

My Lucas.

"You don't even know...inside Mom's drawer in their room, there is an old
photo album that Dad had forbid her from ever taking out or looking at. But
I know that she did sometimes, when he and Van was down at the stalls...she
would sit down and stare at those photos for hours, crying her eyes
out. She would then ask me to get her make up for her, and she would hide
her red eyes...I don't think she realises that I remember...but one day I
took a peek at them, when no one was home."

Lucas smiled, and I could see that a moment of sudden memory was busy
flooding his mind full of misty-eyed pictures and thoughts that of course,
only he could see, before he continued.

"I recognised Van and Natasha on the photo's...they were like...Van had to
be fourteen or so and Tash even younger. Of course, Mom and Dad, and Dad
was dressed like Santa. I was there too...a little fucking tyke with a
yellow truck in his hands."

I blinked, another tear escaping my eyes.

I instantly knew what moment in history, he was referring to. Van and I
bought that yellow truck for Lucas, together, from our pocket money. He was
only seven at the time.

It was the final...final Christmas I would spend with my family, because a
mere two months after that, Dad chased me from the ranch, vowing that I "my
faggot ass" would never be allowed to set foot there, ever again. I knew
exactly which photos he was referring to...I was fifteen at the time.

Lucas sniffed.

"I remember...I was like twelve or so, and I wanted to see what had Mom so
upset. But when I saw you in the photos...it took me a moment to figure out
who you were, because I hadn't seen you in so long. Mom told me one day,
that you were my brother, who moved away...but the kids at school whose
parents were as fucking homophobic as Dad, knew and told me the truth. I
had a brother who was gay, and that's why he was chased away from our house
like a dog."

"Lucas..."

"I'm not done...did it look like I was done?" Lucas smirked, before he
playfully kissed my lips again, before continuing.

"I was twelve, like I said...but I remember that my dick got hard, when I
looked at you."

I gasped.

My eyes as wild as a hungry lion being taunted with a raw piece of meat, I
stared at my kid brother in sheer disbelief.

"You...cannot mean that..."

Lucas rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, and that's why I threw myself at you this afternoon, out of no
where? Come on, brother, give me some credit! I've thought about my sexy
ass brother for a long time, Jack. This hasn't come from outta no
where. You can ask Natasha...whenever she would come home to visit, I would
secretly corner and her ask how you were. What you were like. If you were
as raw as Van, or had a softer side. I just...I mean..."

Lucas suddenly looked away, and I smiled warmly as I saw his cheeks turning
as red as one of the garden tomatoes.

"I just wanted to get to know you...meet you if I could...because looking
at those photos, and seeing you...I didn't know what it meant at the time,
but you bet your ass I do now...and if you really have to go...I'm gonna
make sure you don't fucking forget me."

As he said the final word of his sentence, I stiffened instantly, as I felt
his warm hand placed directly on top of my already hard dick.

"Jesus, Luke...what the hell are you doing...?" I managed to croak out,
before he placed his free hand on my lips and playfully kissed my nose in
retaliation.

"I've been dreaming about this for three fucking years, brother...don't you
even dare to try and stop me..." he whispered, squeezing my hard penis
inside the palm of his hand, making me more aroused and harder down there,
than I had ever been in my entire life. Not even a snotty-nosed teenager,
with full time erections to boot, did it feel anything quite like this.

"Lucas...if anyone comes in here, and sees this!" I croaked, before he
gently reached inside my boxers and gripped my hard dick at the middle of
its length.

"Holy...holy shit..." I hissed and the little shit just giggled at me,
before he winked and dived in underneath the covers.

Oh God.

Oh God, oh God, oh God...

Surely, he wasn't going to...

"LUCAS!"

I shrieked out as softly as I could, grabbing frantically at his head
underneath the thick duvet, eventually pulling at the heavy stuffed
material with all my pent-up might, and throwing it totally off the bed, my
eyes widening as huge as the Kalahari Desert, at what my brother was doing.

It had been SEVEN.LONG.DAYS since I had gotten any sort of sex, with Craig
of course, before my mother phoned me the following day to tell me about my
father's passing...I had just spent a whole fucking week with my cock on
red alert being so close to a boy that was so beautiful it made my teeth
hurt...that same boy was now doing a solid number of sucking my penis so
skilfully, and with so much gusto, that I wouldn't be surprised if he was a
male prostitute in a previous life.

"Lucas...Lukey, you really don't have to do that, but GOD...please don't
stop..."

Lucas took the head of my phallus out of his mouth, licking his lips, no
doubt savouring the flavour, the texture of the torrent of pre cum that I
was sure I had to be producing, before he looked up and smiled at me.

"Shut up and enjoy, brother..." he smirked before he engulfed my prick once
more.

I didn't expect him to devour the whole thing...remember who I always
stated that the Holt men were blessed with big dicks? I was a solid eight
and a half inches, that even Craig had difficultly swallowing and getting
inside his ass at the beginning...I closed my eyes...Craig the furthest
thing from my mind, as I reached down and gently ran my fingers through
Lucas's soft, blond hair as he gave me one of the most memorable blowjobs
that I ever had the pleasure of receiving.

This tongue was doing wonders on my open shaft, gliding along the lines of
the various veins he found lurking in the thick meat of my penis, down
towards my balls and back up against to roll around my cockhead and even
going about sticking his fifteen-year-old tongue inside the crook of my
piss slit, trying his best to gather as much of my pre juices as he could.

If this was his first time, he was doing one fucking hell of a job.

He stimulated my flaring penis head over and over, using his tongue and
throat muscles to the best of his ability, seeming to be JUST as into this,
as I was. When he wasn't given oral attention to the lower part of my dick,
he used his hand to stimulate and caress my thick weapon, probably hoping
that he was doing a good enough job...

I don't think I had ever loved a fellow human being as I did Lucas, right
then and there.

Placing idle kisses on my tummy, he nudged his nose against my skin, for a
moment, just holding my dick in his hand, my meat glimmering in the semi
darkness, with his spit and saliva, before his eyes shone...and he dove
back on there to complete the mission. Operation Make Jack Cum.

"You're fucking...huge..." he breathed as he came up for some air, and at
that moment, I nearly creamed my load into his face, hearing what he so
lovingly said, before I sunk back into the mattress, and allowed him to
continue lapping at my desperate, pulsing penis.

Normally I would last way longer, especially when I was fucking the hell
out of Craig, his tight ass more than enough to drain my balls from their
precious life-giving liquid, but I hadn't had sex in a week. There was a
beautiful, handsome teenage boy gulping at my dick like some bitch in
heat...there was no way that I was gonna last even a minute longer.

"Lukey...buddy, I'm gonna cum soon..." I proceeded to hiss at him, my
fingers even tapping the side of his face, when it seemed that he didn't
hear me, but oh no...the little shit heard me alright.

Which made him suck at my cockhead even harder, and more forcefully.

I was reaching the point of no return...there was no way that he was
seemingly gonna allow me to pull out...Jesus, he wanted my sperm, and he
damn well wanted it NOW.

I frantically grabbed a pillow and stuffed it right into my face, holding
it tight to my skin with both hands, as my orgasm reached breaking
point. Raw, desperate cries from the back of my throat was silenced as best
as it possibly could, as I bucked my hips faster than a cheetah in orbit,
my cock steaming with anger, ready to launch into the abyss.

My brother...the fucking TROOPER that he was, just kept sucking...kept
gliding THAT tongue over and over my sticky hole...it was coming.

It literally felt like my soul was leaving my body through my penis right
then. Globs, globs and more globs of white, male protein seemed to blast
out of my dick like Krakatoa itself. I hoped to God that Lucas didn't have
a gag reflex, because there would be no way that I would be able to explain
the stains away if it made it to my bedding to my mom...

Lucas was like a frightened animal...his eyes were red and bulging out of
their sockets, his face as pale as I had ever seen it...his throat muscles
must have been working sheer overtime to swallow everything that I had to
give him. Snippets of sperm was leaking out of the side of his mouth as he
did so...finally coming up for air, taking huge breaths, realising what was
on his chin, taking his finger and swiping the excess sperm off, and
putting his finger inside his mouth, savouring the taste and texture of my
baby makers to the fullest extent that he could.

I laid there...gasping for breath, the same as him...not fully believing
what had just occurred.

I cheated on my husband.

I cheated on Craig.

I enjoyed every single, fucking minute of it.

Holy shit...my brother was hot.

Lucas wiped his mouth one last time, before he collapsed on top of me, and
immediately, without thinking, I grabbed his shoulders and forced him
upwards to where I could see him, face to face.

Tired as I was, I leaned in and kissed Lucas, so softly and tenderly, that
it would have wet the pussy of a God-fearing nun. He must have been spent
as hell too, and I suspect that his mouth would need some rest tomorrow,
but like the true Holt that he was, he kissed me back, never giving in an
inch...yearning, craving the touch of my lips, as much as I wanted and
needed his.

Finally, finally, we came back down to Earth, and I looked at Lucas, with
so much love inside my eyes and inside my heart, that it would have been
enough to blind a human torch. I gripped his hand inside my own and my
voice was shaky as it finally spoke...

"I wish I could take you with me...how can I fucking leave you here, after
this? Jesus Lukey..." I whispered, nudging my nose against his own, as he
tiredly giggled, his eyes closing and opening slowly before he squeezed my
hand.

"Things are better now...you can come and visit more now...you better come
loads and loads because I'm gonna miss you so much, brother..." he slurred
as his speech let him down, his tiredness finally taking over as he gently
placed his head on my chest, as my kid brother succumbed to his much-needed
sleep, at last.

Holding him with both my arms encircled around him, I found myself at a
crossroads for the first time in my young life.

The thought of going home...the idea of getting back to normal, to our
friends and my job waiting for me...the idea that I was going to have to
leave Lucas here...WITH VAN...

My heart knew what it wanted, but my brain was telling me otherwise.

GUILT...ANGER at FEELING like I did, streamed through me like Netflix on a
big TV screen.

This was something that I was going to have to get over with. And
soon. Because I was leaving in a few hours and there was no way that I
could take Lucas with me.

Right now, I couldn't even imagine at not seeing him every day, being
around him, being WITH him like this. He was a part of me, in more ways
than one. We shared DNA...we shared life. We shared each other.

How can I go back to Craig, when I was feeling like this?

In what UNIVERSE...was this actually fair to him?

**

The way that I hated Van right now.

The reverend's speech was beautiful. Heartbreaking, because he was a life
long friend of my father's and therefore there was no one better to praise
the life of, and give a well earned send off to Butch Holt. And in all that
time, Lukey was shaking like a leaf, totally overcome with emotion and his
own sadness at losing his father at the tender age of just fifteen, but
nevertheless, with Van at his side, he didn't DARE show any sign of
supposed weakness.  My father lived on in Van, in more ways than one.

I clenched my fingers into full blown fists as I restricted myself to take
my kid brother in my arms and just...hold him to me. Van would have
probably thrown my ass into the grave with Dad, if I did. I forced myself
to not look at Lucas, but focused on supporting Mom and Natasha, who were
both blubbering messes at the time of the proceedings.

Butch Holt might have been a tyrant, a dictator of some sorts, and he might
have had some old-fashioned beliefs, but as Natasha repeatedly said...he
was still our father. The only father that we would ever have.

Before that fateful day...he was a good dad. He loved his kids, he loved
all of us. Although his favourite was Van, which I knew before I ever got
into bed with another boy, but I had accepted it. I was never one for the
outdoors, which Van enjoyed and loved. I was happy that Van took the
attention away from me, allowing Dad to groom at least one of his boys into
his own mini me.

I guess one of the reasons I carried so much hatred in my heart for Dad,
was I didn't see THAT sort of anger coming from him. I was still his son,
even though I was gay. I was his fucking FIRST BORN...how the hell could he
just...chase me away like a nasty mosquito in winter...?

"What time do you need to be at the airport?" Mom asked as we finally got
into the car and headed back home, with Van at the steering wheel, several
hours later than we had planned, because everyone wanted to pay their
respects to her, Van, Lucas and Natasha after the funeral.

Those same people, many of them had actually watched me grow up before
their eyes, ignored me like the plague. I knew, heard from Natasha that the
stories around the reason for my banishment had spread across the
county...but geez louise, some of those eyes would have buried me today, if
they could.

I cleared my throat and caught Van's eyes on me in the rear-view mirror,
swiftly returning to the road in front of him, when he caught me looking at
him.

"I guess I would have to get going the moment we get home...sorry,
Mom...but I didn't expect us to get home this late...and we have to be at
the airport at least two hours before the time too, but I'm sure I can get
an Uber or Tash can even take me..."

"I can totally do that! I was planning on leaving tonight myself, and that
way, Mom, you can rest, and Van can BBQ us something later, and Lukey can
get back to his home work. You've been away from school too long, Slugger!"
Natasha tried to make light of things, as best she could.

Mom sat back in her seat as we neared Sabre Peak Ranch, and sighed, her
hand on her chest.

"Would you, Tash? Oh Jacky, I would have love to take you, but this whole
thing has just taken it out of me. I didn't think there would be so many
people, God willing for that. Van, my boy, am I seeing things, or whose
fancy double cab is that? Parked in front of the farm house?"

Van leaned forward, and drove towards the house, accelerating the speed
slightly.

"Maybe one of dad's friends or someone...I don't recognise the vehicle..."
he murmured in thought.

I personally didn't think much of said vehicle until we were at the house
itself...because it was only THEN, that I saw the licence plate number, and
my rapidly beating pulse froze inside the corners of my tired body.

I saw him, but it was like by brain didn't wanna register what I was
seeing.

Please...PLEASE let it just be a fucking mirage...please for God's sake,
let it be my intense imagination, anything!?

But no.

It was Craig.

Right here...HERE...at my family home.

Jesus...Christ...Almighty.

**

I was out of the car like I was shot, my heart beating like that of a
common garden rat, before I ran up to Craig, who was holding out his arms
to me, like he hadn't seen me in literal decades.

"Babe...boy, am I glad to see you!" he whispered in my ear, and hugged my
body to his own, before he allowed me free, and grinning at the sheer
disbelief written all over my face.

"Hey...I thought you would be happier to see me than this..." he whispered,
his eyes flickering from myself, to my family who was slowly getting out of
the car, especially Natasha, who has of course, met Craig before.

"Natasha! Good to see you again...I'm just so sorry about the
circumstances," Craig continued, as he hugged my sister, who smiled warmly
up at him, and my heart went out to her, as she seemed to be the only
person making him feel welcome. She was doing a way better job than I
was...but of course she didn't know why I was so tense and agitated seeing
my husband here.

She didn't know shit about what happened in my bedroom last night.

Craig smiled back at Natasha, before patting me on the back, maybe to
reassure me that he had this, before walking over to my mother and holding
out a bunch of flowers, that I didn't even realise he had been holding all
this time.

"Mrs Holt, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I'm Craig, Jack's
husband. I know he told me rather not to come here today, but I just, I
felt that I needed to be here for him, if nothing else. Please accept my
sincere regret at us only meeting now," he stated in that serene, tenor
voice that used to give me goosebumps the moment that I would hear it.

Right now, the only thing giving me goosebumps was Lucas's grief-stricken
facial features...

Mom smiled gratefully up at Craig, and took his hand that he was offering,
and shook it with gusto. For a moment, I felt pride at how far my mother
had come in her acceptance of people like me and Craig...if not for what
happened between me and my kid brother, I would have sung towards the
heavens. As a teenager, I would DREAM my parents would love and accept me
for who I was...now it all just felt fake, because Mom had no idea what
incestual deeds two of her sons had gotten up to.

"You're so very welcome! Please, come inside...with you here, and that
fancy vehicle of yours, I'm sure that we don't need to catch that plane
anymore, so I thank you for that. I would love to get to know my son-in-law
a little bit better. Lucas, run along inside and make us all a warm pot of
coffee, will you? Natasha, would you help him?"

Lucas swallowed, as he stared at Craig with seemingly all emotion vanished
from his face. Craig turned around and only then noticed Lukey standing
lone fully behind him, painfully statuesque.

"And this...must be your kid brother, Lucas! Hey there, big guy...wow, what
is in the waters around here, you're big enough to pass for a college
student!" Craig said cheerfully, putting out his hand for Lucas, to shake
in return.

If the Rapture were to happen, could it actually happen now? Just swallow
me up to the heavens and remove me from here...PLEASE.

Lucas finally blinked, and he slowly reached up and clasped Craig's hand
inside his own, his face still as rock solid hard as it had been ever since
he saw him.

I could tell that Craig was getting somewhat uncomfortable with Lucas's
attitude, especially after both Natasha and Mom had welcomed him so warmly,
that I needed to do something. Anything. Lucas was...totally out of it. To
put it mildly.

"Uhm Craig...let's rather go inside, yeah? My dad's death must have hit
Lucas harder than we thought...remember I told you that he saw my dad
falling off the ladder that day? He'll come good later, but for now, let's
just get out of this cold, okay? Lukey...go and help Natasha with the
coffee, please? I'll talk to you in a minute, I promise," I said, looking
directly into his eyes, hoping to somehow, non-verbally communicate to him,
what I couldn't do in front of my husband.

Luckily, Craig seemed to understand, because he took my hand inside his
own, giving Lucas a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, before he led us
inside the kitchen.

"Oh, there you two are! I was just asking Natasha, where is Van? Is he
still out there?" Mom hollered from the kitchen table, and I stood still,
having totally forgotten about my homophobic brother, in hindsight, before
turning around and looking at the car.

Van was still inside.

Both of his hands were placed securely on the steering wheel, as if he was
gripping the equipment our of sheer anger or frustration, as his whole body
language was clearly giving away.

"It's because you're here...damn it Craig, I love you, but I TOLD YOU not
to come..." I whispered to my husband, LOATHING myself at seeing his entire
face crumble with my harsh words.

Lucas stood at the coffee table, stirring the warm liquid...but there was
nothing inside his eyes.

He didn't look at me once.

**

"Babe, I don't understand what the big deal is...so far no one around here
has been weird or rude to me," Craig murmured as he hugged me from behind
and softly, ever so gently, kissed my neck...which I knew he did out of
pure love.

Disgust, wasn't even the word I would use to describe how I was
feeling. Looking around this very room, in which my kid brother had given
me so much pleasure not twenty-four hours ago, I felt sick to my stomach. I
loved Craig...or at least I thought I did.

Fucking hell, if that was true, why the heck did I cheat on him with my
fifteen-year-old brother? JESUS!

"Craig, I know and I love you for coming down here, it was just so...weird
to be honest, seeing you here, I mean HERE all of places, where I had some
of my best and worst memories in my life. I guess I'll get used to it,
we're only gonna stay the night, right? Drive home early tomorrow morning?"

Craig kissed my temple...very much like I did to Lucas the previous
evening...

JACK...for GOD'S SAKE...

"I figured you wouldn't wanna fly home so soon after the funeral...I mean
we don't actually live around the corner from the ranch, and with work and
our own lives, who knows when you will see them again. I love you...so
much, Jack, it sometimes scares me to think that there was a time where I
didn't know you, or have you in my life. I know you said it's better if I
didn't come...but like I said, so far everyone has been really nice to me."

I smirked and rolled my eyes, gently releasing myself from my husband's
grip. God, I hated myself.

"You haven't met Van face to face yet, babe. If you can get past
THAT...I'll fucking give you a gold star!"

Craig snickered silently before he pulled me close, and placed his lips on
my own. For a moment, just a mere snippet, it felt like nothing had
changed. As if this...all of this, have never ever happened. It felt real
and familiar, and warm and loving and...

...and then I realised only yesterday I had doubts in even going home
because it would mean I won't see Lucas anymore.

I was so fucked, it wasn't even funny.

"Everything will be fine, you'll see," Craig said, winking at me, kissing
me once more, before taking my hand and leading me towards the kitchen,
where the sheer aroma of freshly baked bread, along with yummy butternut
soup, one of mom's specialities, reeked from deep inside.

Craig's stomach audibly growled, and I giggled, allowing myself to enjoy my
husband being here, for the first time since he had arrived.

Lucas smiled at me, as he saw me enter the kitchen, but that beautiful,
stunning smile vanished the moment that he saw Craig next to me, and his
sudden scowl deepened ever further when he realised that we were holding
hands.

He was gonna give us away...I was fucking sure of that...if you looked
closely, you could actually SEE the hatred and the complete contempt which
he was staring at Craig with...if it wasn't that he was the youngest, and
the adults generally didn't seem to notice what he was up to, you would
recognise his dislike for Craig in a second.

Man...I had to stop this.

"Lukey! Come and help me in the study, please? I need to sort out some of
Dad's things!" I called out towards him, mentally castrating myself that I
couldn't think of a better excuse to get him alone.

"Why are you bothering with that now, Jacky? We should all relax and
remember your dad tonight, not bother with trivial stuff," Mom said, just
as Lucas was walking towards me, and my mind started to spin...

...until Natasha came to my rescue.

"Mom, I'm sure there are some personal stuff from Dad that Jack wants to
see...remember he wasn't here for eight long years...it's gonna be a couple
of minutes before the meal is ready anyway and we can't start without Van
either. I'll call you guys when he gets here, okay?"

Thank God for little sisters.

Lucas and I entered the study and I firmly closed the door behind me, and
turned to look at my little brother, and my heart sunk in my shoes...every
single bit of flair and teenage velocity that he had until this afternoon,
had seemingly vanished into thin air.

I stepped closer to him and he just...STOOD there. It was like he didn't
care what was going on around him, any more.

"Lukey...?"

No reaction.

"Lukey, please look at me."

Lucas sighed, before he looked upwards at me, slowly. His eyes were
swimming in unshed tears, and he sniffed twice, placing both his hands deep
in his pockets.

"Look, I get it, okay? But I wasn't the one who did anything wrong! You
could have stopped me! But you didn't and you made me feel stuff
that...Look, your husband is here now and tomorrow morning you guys will be
gone, so just leave me alone, okay?"

Swallowing slowly, I walked towards him and I placed both hands on his
shoulders...my chest aching knowing that I caused him all this hurt.

"I know. Lukey, I'm sorry. I didn't come here to fuck up your life...how
was I suppose to know I was gonna take one look at you, and love you more
than my own husband?"

I shuddered at the words.

I didn't mean to say it.

But I did.

It was out now...whether I wanted it or not.

I WANTED him to know...how I felt and why.

Lucas shook his head, his face wrecked with emotion at the hearing of what
I had just said.

"What...you...what?" he whispered, in complete and utter awe.

I loved him. I loved him more than my own life. It was something completely
unstoppable...a juggernaut of emotions and feelings and it has ended up
right here...after all, you cannot help who you love.

And I loved Lucas.

"I mean it. I...Lukey, I don't know how this is gonna all play out. I
honestly don't...I'm married and I feel sick every time I look at
Craig...he's done nothing wrong...nothing at all. But it can't be real...WE
can't be real, if I can feel THIS way about someone else this quickly, can
it?"

I took both of his hands inside my own.

"Promise me...I ain't fucking you around here, I swear, on Dad's life, that
we're gonna figure this out. You're my brother. And right now, that
sucks. Right now, I would give ANYTHING for us not to be
related...because...fucking hell Lucas, you know why. I never thought I
would be HERE...but HERE we are. Please...just know that I have fallen so
fucking hard for you, that my head is spinning. Okay?"

Lucas smiled, for the first time since Craig had arrived earlier that
afternoon, and he launched himself at me, hugging me for all that he was
worth. It seemed that he needed to FEEL my touch, against his own, more
than he needed to take his next breath.

"This is weird for me too. I never thought I'd fall for my older
brother...and I'm so not talking about Van..." he whispered, before we both
cackled softly at the mere, dangerous thought of THAT ever happening.

"I love you, Lukey..." I whispered against his temple, kissing his hair,
burying my face inside his blond locks.

"Love you too, brother..." was his solemn reply.

**

"He's here? I stayed away because I thought they would take their crap and
leave..."

"No Van, okay, they are spending the night, now please, don't make a
scene..."

I found a nervous Craig in the living room, where he was clearly waiting
for me before facing Van.

"I can kinda see why you didn't want me here now," he admitted, raising his
eyes towards the kitchen as he did so.

"Well, you're here now, so he just has to suck it up or take a hike. I'm so
done playing his stupid games," I responded, before walking into the
kitchen like it was my very own.

"Great! Dinner is served!" Mom joyfully replied, and I was stunned at the
feast she and Natasha had concocted in such a short space of time.

Craig gently cleared his throat, before he walked over towards Van, who was
still facing away from him.

"I take it you are the middle brother that I had heard so much about? It's
great to finally meet you, I'm Craig, Jack's husband," he cheerfully said,
stretching out his hand towards Van, who was still looking at my mom, all
the way, as if in total defiance.

Van proceeded to pick up a piece of bread, taking his time to actually chew
it through, with poor Craig still holding out his hand outstretched in
greeting, before he eventually turned around to face my husband, as if he
was doing him a favour.

Craig's hand dropped.

Immediately.

Something was wrong...my husband's mouth opened as if in complete and utter
shock...before he looked at me, panic rising in his eyes, and then quickly
back at Van.

"So, you're the husband, right? I suppose I should say welcome..." Van
started to say, but he didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Craig
seemed to trip backwards over his feet...he couldn't take his eyes off of
Van.

"Craig...babe, what's wrong...what did he do?" I asked, rushing over
towards my husband, because obviously something was TERRIBLY wrong...and
still Craig was just...STARING at Van, as if he couldn't believe WHO he was
actually seeing.

"Babe...oh my God, you all hear that, right? They fucking even have pet
names for each other...fucking faggots..." Van voiced as nastily as he
could, but THAT was when Craig seemed to re-discover that he had a pulse.

He blinked a few times, before he GRABBED Van's arm and pulled him towards
him, as fast as humanly possible.

"How dare you...how DARE you call Jack and I those words...those names..."

"Babe, it's cool, okay, we are used to it by now..."

"YEAH, listen to your HUSBAND...coming up in here and grabbing me in my own
house...who the HELL do you think you are?" Van thundered out, all playing
nice now seemingly forgotten.

Mom shook her head and took Lucas's hand to lead him out of the
kitchen...but Craig wasn't quite finished.

"You don't remember me, don't you? Of course, you someone like you
won't...but seeing you now before me...wow...you have the NERVE to call
someone else's a faggot when YOU came on to ME all those years ago? I think
I would recognise the man who I lost my fucking VIRGINITY TO!"


**


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