Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2005 13:49:35 -0700 (PDT) From: Kent Parker Subject: Sean and Greg Disclaimer: This story is a love story between young guys. This story will depict sexual activity between young guys. In this chapter there is no sexual activity between adults and youths in this chapter. A few later chapters may contain scenes of brief sexual contact between an adult and one male teen and one female teen. This story is a work of fiction. Any locations or character names are fictional regardless of relation to anyone real. Copyright Notice: This story is copyrighted starting August 29, 2005 Author's Note: A word of warning: This chapter contains the subject of teen suicide, which is all too common among young gay teens. This is NOT intended to promote the idea of self-harm or self-death in any way. Sadly, too many fine young gay youth, like you who may be preparing to read this, are faced with many tough issues and struggle day to day feeling pressure. IF you happened to have feelings of wanting to die or hurt yourself DON'T! PLEASE GET SEEK HELP SOMEWHERE! By the way if you're NOT supposed to be reading this material then YOU SHOULD READ NO FURTHER. However I don't control anyone and if you want to continue reading feel free to send me your comments to talkwriter2004@yahoo.com Yahoo group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/talkwritersplace I have established a yahoo group as a place to share feedback or comments and other information. Let the story begin... Sean and Greg Chapter 1 My name is Sean; I `m almost eighteen and I'm 6'1 and I weigh in at 168 pounds having fair skin with a swimmer's build. My hair is long and blonde often getting in my eyes. I've got my mothers eyes, everyone tells me so. The hair covering my body is very sparse. I have a thin line of golden hair running down my chest to my pubes. My dick is approximately 6" long when hard with a decent amount of hair that I keep trimmed, not shaved. I'm lucky to have been given a pair of nice balls and a cute bubble butt that is nice and sexy or so I've been told. I `m gay. At 12 I had the feeling I might be gay but at fifteen I knew I liked boys. At thirteen my first relationship was with a girl who lived a couple of houses down from me. Her name was Penny Winston. That summer she moved into our neighborhood and since she didn't know anyone, I befriended her. Slowly our friendship developed into a one sided crush. Since I was never good at math Penny would help me with my math assignments after school. During one of our homework sessions Penny decided to let me know how she felt about me. I wasn't interested in Penny in that way but she was extremely pretty and I thought what the hell. I didn't have the heart to let her down so we started dating. After a couple of months passed, Penny realized that I didn't have the same feelings she felt for me. On one rainy night She quietly confronted me. I told Penny that I liked her as a friend but couldn't return her love because I was gay. After our break up I saw less of her. When the semester ended she and her family moved away and I never saw her again. My first experience with a boy happened the summer of my sophomore year in high school. His name was Tommy Marshal. He was only 5'11 and weighed in at 175 pounds. His build was that of a swimmer. His complexion was of a surfer tan since he spent a great deal outside when he was conditioning. His hair was a dark brown and his eyes were a stunning green and brown, which matched his hair. His cock size was a half-inch longer than mine was when he was hard. Like me, he had a decent amount of pubic hair that he shaved rather than trimmed. Like me he was given a pair of nice balls and a cute bubble butt that was smooth as a baby's bottom. My `rents were friends with his Tom's Brother and cousin and we were more like family and adopted him when he was about ten. When Tommy would come to visit we'd play together in my room or I would play in his when I was over at his house across the street. That summer, Tommy and I began to explore our sexuality together. One weekend when Tommy spent the night because his brother and cousin were out of town, my dad caught me receiving the best blowjob in my life. I had absent-mindedly forgotten to lock my bedroom door. My Dad came to my room to let Tommy and I know dinner was ready. He knocked and Tom was giving me such good pleasure that we did not hear the knock. My Dad walked into the room at which point I was very close to my climax. My father said "Ahem! What is going on here?" he said, with a look of shock on his face. Tom exclaimed "Oh Shit!" and rolled from on top of me so he lay next to me. I looked at my dad and felt my face burn as I blushed profusely. I lay in the bed speechless as I looked at my father before I could finally explain, "Dad! We didn't hear you knock." Before he left the room he announced that dinner was ready. Tom and I jumped out of the bed and then quickly put our clothes back on and went downstairs. Tom and I found our place at the table were the four of us ate a quiet dinner. When we finished dinner, Tom and I cleared the table and took the dishes to the kitchen. After we had cleaned up the kitchen my Dad called us into the living room. "Your mother and I have talked about the shock I received when I entered your bedroom. From the time you were young, we hoped you would make us proud grandparents when you were old enough he told Tom and I calmly." "I was hoping to have found you two studying together." my father explained. With tear filled eyes, my mother looked at me as she said; "We have had suspicions for awhile especially when you met Penny. When you and she broke up we felt our hopes and dreams had shattered. We now realize that those hopes of becoming grandparents may never be real." My parents then said the most beautiful thing "We realized you are young and probably have gone through an experimental phase. After what your father shared with me after he left your room then we realized that much more occurred than we first realized. After my mother and father had spoken Tom took my hand into his and then said "Mr. and Mrs. Newkirk your son and I are more than just friends. We both have deep feelings of love for each other". Tom then looked at me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and planted the most passionate lip locked kiss to my lips. When he released, he suddenly turned several shades of red as he realized what he had done. Tom said rather suddenly, "I love your son with all my heart. If the kiss he just received is not proof enough to have shown you my love for him then you never met the true Thomas Stephen Marshal." The oak grandfather clock in the living room suddenly chimed and we realized the time was eleven o'clock on a Tuesday night. My Dad exclaimed, "Bed time, as it is a school night." Tom wrapped his arms around me and gave me a good night hug. He gave me a butterfly kiss and then said I will see you at school tomorrow." Then walked out the door and walked to his house School the next day was unproductive. Tom and I sat together at lunch and he told me he wanted me to come to his house after school because he had something important to tell me. What Tom wanted to tell me was on my mind the rest of the day as school continued. I had hoped that Tom didn't want to end our relationship. After school I went over to his house. I met Tom at the door and followed him to his room. Once inside he gave me a kiss. He then said "I can't believe what I just found when I was looking for something in the crawl space." He grabbed the remote for his television and pressed play, suddenly a porno appears. In shock I said "Oh my god!" As two guys walked into a bedroom and began stripping their clothes off. Tom stopped the tape and looked at me and burst into tears. I walked over to Tom and held him as he cried until his crying stopped. Then he said, "What the hell were tapes like that doing in the crawl space, I never expected to find them. I said, "That's probably why they were hidden in the crawlspace, babe. They aren't you're mom's, could they be your brother's?" I asked. Tom suddenly shuddered at that thought. "Or they could be my dads! After all he and mom haven't been on the best of terms lately. "Oh Shit! Is my dad or my brother gay?" Damn what if they found out that I am having sex with you." Tom said frantically. "Relax hon. I said and I tried to hold Tom to calm him but he just pulled away. He kept ranting and raving and finally I got so upset with him I went home. Several months after the videotape discovery, I found out that Tom's parents had divorced and were fighting. It was rumored that Tom's father was gay and had AIDS. For several weeks I didn't see Tom at school. Overwhelmed I tried to call him. His cousin answered the phone and told me that Tom had been hospitalized because he had tried to cut his wrists and Zack found him. His cousin then told me that at the request of Tom and his doctor that I was not allowed to see Tom anymore because I endangered Tom's safety. Hearing this news I broke down and cried a fountain of tears. Angrily I shouted, "God-damn it! Why Tom? Why would you do this fucking shit to me? How dare you try and kill yourself! What the hell are you thinking? Mother Fucker, do you not truly love me?" As I continued shouting my `rents came running to see what the problem was. I told them to fuck off! Tom was being an asshole and I was pissed off at him. In shock my parents left me alone. I lay on my bed since I was in my bedroom when I had started screaming and then cried myself to sleep. In the morning I hugged my `rents and told them that I loved them and was sorry I told them to fuck off. I couldn't tell them what happened. As time passed by I began seeing less of Tom. Several months later I noticed that Tom had developed a new group of friends. From a distance I watched as Tom began changing into the asshole I told my parents he was. He began partying heavy, skipping school and just not giving a shit about his brother, cousin, or me After several weeks of missing Tom, I came home from school and Tom saw me coming home. Staggering over to me to see if I wanted to hang out at the teen club, I could tell that something was wrong because his breath smelled of alcohol, cigarettes, and marijuana. He wanted to kiss me. Without uttering a word I allowed him to kiss me. As we kissed, I looked into his eyes and since his eyes were glassy I deeply felt that the love we once shared was dying. "Yeah the love was dying alright. With that slow death I felt as if a part of me was dying too. Later that week I didn't see Tom at school, none of his friends had seen him around either. Several weeks had passed by and I suddenly feared the worse and wondered where Tom disappeared to." I thought to myself. Several months after the videotape discovery, I found out that his parents had divorced and the fighting Tom mentioned continued. It was rumored that Tom's father was gay and was infected with AIDS. Tom's mother began drinking heavy and taking sleeping pills. In light of this Tom refused to come home and continued on his own downward spiral. Tom's Mother eventually overdosed and died. Tom turned to the streets and his cousin was taken by the Foster Care system. Zack moved in with a roommate. Tom completely disappeared from my life. On a fall day when I came from school I noticed that the house across the street where Tom lived was now for sale. I found this strange. When I brought the mail in I found a letter addressed to me. When I saw no return address I grew concerned. I opened the envelope slowly. As I pull out a sheet of folded notebook paper, I felt my heart sinking. The paper was slightly wet and I began thinking that this was a Dear John letter. . I unfolded the paper and began reading. June 10, 1983 Dearest Sean, I know we shared some great times together over the years. You are a great guy and hope you never change. The time has come for me to say goodbye to the love we once shared. I hope your love will carry you far in life. I have become lost and have found myself fighting to find the way. The harder I fight the more I find myself loosing this major battle. Nothing you can say or do will ever change the love I have for you. I realize that I have made some decisions and realize now how wrong these are and only fighting to right these leaves me finding myself falling deeper loosing the way and the will to keep fighting. I am sorry to put you through this. Unlike you, I cannot accept that I am in love with a guy like you or accept the reaction that I would receive from my parents, Brother or cousin. I saw how your parents reacted after your dad caught us. When I found those videotapes I learned after that my dad was Gay and was dying from Aids. I know that my Mom or Danny or Zack would definitely not approve of our love as special as it will remain. I ask for your forgiveness in my decision to do what I feel has to be done to end the pain and suffering that would otherwise torment us. When you read this letter, I will be gone. With love and peace, Tom When I finished reading, I could feel tears well up. Suddenly I found myself almost yelling. "Noooooooooo!" You are such a fucking asshole, I loved you and then you treat me like shit!" I fell to the floor and curled up into a ball and cried. Since I was in the living room, and my dad, who came home at some point while I was reading, approached me rather startled and asks, "Are you ok, son?" I stayed in curled up in the ball and told him to go to hell! Tom is an asshole and now he is planning something and I don't know where he is to try to stop him. My mom entered the room and heard what I said and then I heard the front door slam shut my dad left me and tried to go talk to her. He tells her that he doesn't know what was going on with me and that I had curled up into a ball and that he told me to go to hell because Tom was doing something and that I was unable to stop him. My mom and dad both came back to me and by this time I had uncurled myself and looked at them through bloodshot eyes and started explaining everything I knew and showed them the letter. They explained to me that Tom's parents had divorced and that Tom's father had died from Aids because he was gay. Then his mother had started drinking and using sleeping pills and also died. In shock, I asked about Danny and Zack and where they were. My father told me that Danny had been placed in several foster homes and the last they heard the one he is currently was in was so abusive that they were working on trying to fight the courts to get custody of him. As for Zack, he is living with an abusive roommate and has been given an invitation to come live with this family. I sat there in awe trying to take in what the two people I love very much just told me. "Wow! I'll have two brothers then. What happened to Tom? Where is he? I have not seen or heard from him and I know that he's been on a path that I won't ever go down no matter how desperate I may be. From what we have heard Tom was found beaten to death. He had been living on the streets and doing drugs and selling himself to anyone whom was willing to use or abuse him for their pleasure. A teen that convinced him that he was gay had lured him from the teen club and apparently took him to the park and a bunch of other teens brutally beat him to his death I began sobbing and crying uncontrollably. As I cried my dad held me while the tears fell. My arms wrapped around him and I cried as if a floodgate had been opened. With his hand, he began rubbing my back as outpour of tears continued to flow. When I finally regained my composure he handed me some tissue and I wiped the last of the tears away. "Son, I know that you thought Tom would be the man of your dreams. While people change, some change for the worse while others change for the better. It appears that Tom had some problems and chose not to seek help with them or talked with you about them. You are a great son and I hope you realize that this was not your fault." My dad said I explained again to my dad that what I knew only seemed to be a small part of the problems that took him away from me. I went to bed that night and knew sleep would not come easily. Suddenly I awoke screaming! Mom and dad both came into the room. They sat down on the bed. Both of them were looking at me with worry on their faces. I shared with them the dream I had had which involved Tom's murder as if I had seen it vividly. I burst into tears not understanding that I had a special gift. A gift that could be considered a curse too because I could feel and experience the pain of others as if that pain were my own. This I learned from my mother as she explained that she comes from a people of Hawaiian decent who were blessed with the gift of empathy. After I had relaxed a bit my parents told me to not worry about school the next day since I was in no condition to go being all of the events of the last several months. The following day I slept in until about 11 AM and found a note from Mom and dad telling me that they had called in my absence. They told me that they would get my assignments for me and would have them when they came home from work. I made myself a light breakfast and decided I would try to relax because I couldn't do anything about the events of the past. Suddenly I was startled by a knock on the door. Since I was dressed I went and answered the door. To my surprise I found a woman I had never seen before standing there with Danny. She explained that she was a social worker and asked if she had arrived at the Newkirk residence. This is the Newkirk residence and I am Sean. She then requested to speak to my parents and explained that they were at work and I would gladly contact them. I invited both of them in feeling unsure that I was handling this situation properly. I politely offered both something to drink and Danny requested a soda. I checked and found a soda so I gave it to him unsure I did the right thing given I was in the presence of this woman who I did not know. I dialed my father's work number and he was in a meeting and could not be interrupted. Then I frantically called my mother at her place of work and waited what seemed like a half hour and was really one a couple of minutes. When she answered I told her that I had Danny and a social worker woman here wanting to talk to you. She said she would be home shortly. In a matter of minutes my mother arrived home and greeted the woman and Danny and thanked me for calling her. The woman asked if there was a place she and my mother could talk privately and they walked to my father's study. While they talked, Dan and I talked. Danny first gave me a big hug and then started crying. I held him as he cried. Suddenly feeling emotions and thoughts that I suspected weren't my own overwhelmed me and I began crying too. As Dan and I cried my mother approached us and immediately knew what was going on. She just let the to of us finish crying. When I regained my composure and realized my mother was present I told her that I became overwhelmed with emotions and feelings I couldn't explain and started crying right after Danny did. Her response told me she knew and that she would talk to me more about this later. But right now I need to be strong for Danny since he's our newest houseguest. Remembering what I had been told previously suddenly made sense. I looked at her with a knowing smile and nodded. She returned to the den to finish talking to the social worker. Shortly as I continued to sit by Danny he finally stopped crying and looked at me. I handed him some tissue and both of us were speechless as he wiped his eyes after crying what felt to me like years of pain being shed. Danny began to say something when my mother told me that the social worker wanted to talk to me. I hugged them both and went to the den. The social worker explained that she was doing a "placement assessment" and needed to talk to everyone in the household." I agreed to the interview. She began by asking whether or not I would like to have a brother if the assessment was approved. I explained that I would like having a little brother. Her next question caught me a bit off guard. She asked me if I was gay or not. Thinking to myself, I at first wondered if she knew anything about the past relationship between Tom and me. Since Danny was his cousin and I have known Danny and have always thought of him as a little brother how me being gay or not would affect this assessment. Before I answered her question I felt my own question being answered. What I felt was that I shouldn't mention the relationship with Tom and that any prior knowledge of Danny should also not be mentioned. I answered her question by letting her know that I was gay. I explained that at twelve I had always thought I was gay and at fifteen I knew I liked boys. She didn't seem concerned with my answer and then asked me if I my parents have ever abused me in any way. Hell No! My parents never abused me in any way shape or form. They love me like loving parents do. They don't allow me to skip School. I don't even do drugs and never will. She then told me she was satisfied with my answers and she was through questioning me. We left the room and went to the kitchen were my `rents were having some coffee. The social worker then went and interviewed my father and they left and returned to the study where she interviewed him. Once she completed her investigation, she did an inspection of the entire house and was satisfied that it met the assessment requirements. She then told my parents that they had a temporary foster home license allowing up to 2 additional children and that an adoption hearing would be set in 6 months. Then She told Danny that he was home. When the social worker left Danny in our care we had pizza delivered since it was a celebration. Over the next few weeks Danny and I began talking. That night someone screaming awakened me. I ran to Danny's room and found him curled up in a ball in the middle of his floor. The parental people in my life rushed in as I was holding him and rocking him letting him cry. Without a word my mom smiled and then both `rents left the room. I softly spoke to Danny as I slowly began to feel what caused his screaming. What I sensed was so horrible that I can't describe that here. I continued to hold Danny and carefully picked him and put him on the bed and then crawled in and lay next to him and fell asleep. My sleep wasn't the best and any dreams I had I don't remember because of this new gift I am still learning about. The following morning Danny woke up rather surprised that I was lying next to him. I could sense his feelings and slowly opened my eyes so not to worry him. I told him that I heard him screaming last night and that our `rents left us alone after they saw that I had come to you. He hugged me and thanked me and then I left his room and went to mine so I could change out of my sleeping attire, a robe. I decided I would shower after breakfast and went downstairs to the dining room and joined the two loving people who brought me into this world. My mom smiled the same familiar smile I saw when they came to see that I was with Danny and told me she knew as I did the horrible memory that caused Danny's nightmare. She warned me to be careful when I talked to him to not reveal anything that he didn't first reveal to me or I'd be trying to answer questions that I'm not quite ready to be explaining yet and he's not ready to know. She explained as she came over and hugged me. Danny came down the stairs and joined us looking a bit worried. When I looked at him I smiled and he looked even more confused. Danny said he was hungry and wanted cereal for breakfast. I smiled and went to the kitchen to fix this kid, my new brother some breakfast when the doorbell rang. I opened the door and felt an overwhelming feeling of extreme pain. Dad came to me and saw it was Zack. He looked like death warmed over. He had been beaten to a bloody pulp. I ran away and immediately headed to the bathroom. My mom came to check on me since she saw me make a mad dash for the bathroom and knew why. Mom, What the hell, I feel more and more like I've been given a fucking curse than a god given gift as I grabbed a cup of water. She tried to explain that this feeling of empathy is something sacred and not easily understood by people except those who have the gift. She further explained that with time I would come to understand and would become more comfortable. Dad found us and told us that he was taking Zack to the hospital. We all left the room and went downstairs to talk with Danny. When mom and I were with him he burst in to tears and I felt another wave of overwhelming feelings that were so strong everything suddenly went black... I was suddenly in a very strange place. I was suddenly in the place where Zack had been living. I began to see the series of events leading to him showing up at the door and suddenly the same wave of pain I had felt earlier when I went to the door hit me and I suddenly became conscious. When I opened my eyes I saw my mother looking at me strangely. Quietly I answered her question, which was a non-verbal one. She nodded as she realized that my moment of passing out was related to the appearance of Zack. Danny looked at me and suddenly turned ghostly white. I quickly went and caught him just as he fainted. As I looked at him I suddenly saw Tom. Fighting emotions that were mine and fighting the ones that weren't I suddenly saw everything go black again... As I was suddenly transported to where ever Tom was taking me. At least it seemed that way, whether or not Tom was actually visiting me and was trying to show me something that I needed to know I don't know but for the next hours? Minutes seconds? I wasn't sure I could gage time in this place I was in. I began seeing what appeared as memories that I had stored in me from the very beginning when Tom and I had become friends. Then suddenly I'm in my bedroom with Tom and my dad walks in while I am being pleasured and am rudely interrupted by my father who is shocked that he discovered Tom and I being sexual the way we were. Suddenly I am in his bedroom and he flips on the porno he showed me the very day before�I see him flipping out with me trying to calm him down. Then suddenly I see me walk out the door. But I am in the room as if I was watching a camera monitor and I see what I had missed the very day that I walked out on him and realized that he needed me. Then I thought "Was I the asshole or was he?" as I continued to be watching this scene Tom goes to the bathroom and sets a razor blade on the sink and turns on the sink. Watching him I felt mixed emotions. I felt heartbroken at one point and then he started slashing his wrist and was about to start on the other when Zack walked in. Then I am still at Tom's house but this time I am watching his mother sitting at the Dinning room table. A bottle of alcohol is sitting on table in front of her. She looks like she's drunk. I see Tom come in. He sees his mother sitting at the table. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it in front of his mother. She asks him for a cigarette and he gives her one and then she offers him a drink and he gladly accepts which sends a wave of mixed emotions mostly confusion. This scene continues and his mother produces a bottle of pills and offers one to Tom. A feeling of anger builds and Tom storms out of the house and I watch him as he staggers down the road when a car with his friends pulls up. Suddenly we appear at the teen club. I see many familiar faces and suddenly I see one very familiar face. Anyway this scene seems to go on without much activity except for the one familiar face seems to be planning something and I can't really determine what at this point. Suddenly I find myself under a bridge. Tom is here and appears to be sleeping until this mobile soup kitchen comes through feeding the homeless who are known to be staying here. He gets a bowl and without a problem has a meal, which by now I get the impression has, been the only thing he's eaten in a few days. Suddenly the scene changes...I find myself in a hotel room. Tom is here with a friend of his. As the scene continues I feel nervous feelings and pain. I feel a feeling too that can only be described as desperation. Many questions begin to fill my head, as I know I am feeling feelings that aren't mine. These visions seem to be showing me something that I feared until I learned of Tom's death. Author's Note: What Sean is experiencing is rather new to him. The only way I can describe what Sean is experiencing could quite possibly be an out of body experience. So far if I had to put this to a time frame he's been out for approximately Three days from when this experience started. The story picks up with a scene of drug usage, which I am not suggesting anyone do. The point of these visions is for Sean to understand the events that Tom experienced after his abandonment by Tom and those that lead to the death of Tom. I hope you are enjoying the story thus so far. Email me at Talkwriter2004@yahoo.com. Let the story continue... As the vision continued I see Tom and his friend sitting at a table with a biker looking dude. It appears they getting high. They appear to be smoking `crack.' After awhile of watching this I see Tom and his friend selling the very drug they were just consuming. A strong sense of mixed emotions including desperation and paranoia are present as the scene suddenly changes again... I see Tom and myself. Suddenly I relive the time when I came home from School and Tom wanted to kiss me. I feel my heart break as we kissed. I began to realize that his drug usage had crossed the line by that point into much stronger drugs and that by that time any love Tom truly had from me was long dead. The urge to was present but I was overwhelmed with other emotions that kept me confused at times whether I was feeling my own or if the emotions I felt went along with each vision. Suddenly I began to smell something strange and began to feel like I was beginning to wake up from sleeping. I opened my eyes and saw my family gathered around me looking at me rather worried. I began to speak and my mother told me not to say a word. I lay there silently with the feeling of hunger becoming rather overwhelming and I couldn't understand why. Suddenly I was given a bowl and told to drink. I drank the contents of the bowl and began to feel satisfied. As I looked around everyone had questioning looks from the four people around me. Without going into specific details about any of the visions I explained that I passed out and was having vision after vision until I finally woke up with you around me. Danny approached me nervously and hugged me and said, "Tom?" without uttering a word I answered his question as if I had telepathic ability. Then Danny did something that totally took me by surprise and kissed me on the cheek. Dad looked at me and smiled because without a word said by him I felt him ask his question. As I did with Danny's question I answered his the best I could not sure I understood his question. When Mom hugged me I felt love flowing from her like I had never felt before. It was as if I was pulling energy from her and storing that energy within. These new experiences were definitely not normal and I wondered if I would continue what I had started. I found out I was unconscious for approximately four days. Even though I had not yet shared the specifics of the events that I had witnessed during my experience, I began to realize that at a very vulnerable time, even if I had attempted to stop Tom, I wouldn't have been able to stop him. He acted using free will. He willed himself down the path of destruction and therefore he lost not only me but in the end he lost himself. I realize now not only was he an asshole, but I too had been an asshole to him and at the time I didn't realize it. Would I have been able to calm him down in a very vulnerable time when I got frustrated and left? Or would he have attempted to cut himself even with me present? So many unanswered questions were going through my head. When I went to sleep that night a bright light suddenly awakened me. As I watched the light a figure seemed to come toward me as if to be walking away from the light. As the figure got closer to me I realized the figure was Tom. Hey my Love! I know you weren't expecting this especially with the experience of the last four days. No I wasn't expecting this at all I told him. I know you have many unanswered questions and I don't have much time but I'm here to request that you take care of my cousin. He needs a big brother especially now because of everything he's experienced which in part has been my fault. Tell my Brother I am so sorry that his asshole roommate beat the crap out of him because his roommate was much like I turned into. To answer one of your many questions, yes we both were assholes to each other. At the time you felt I needed you, I wanted you but couldn't have you. Those videotapes were my dad's and he was gay. I am so sorry I ever hurt you. I have to go now. As the light got bright and he began to fade away another figure began approaching me. Who the hell is this I wondered when a female approached me? "Did you really think you would never see me again?" A rather young and pretty girl from my past asked me. Speechless, I realized that Penny Winston suddenly and unexpectedly visited me. Penny! I can't say I never expected to see you again. This however is most unexpected. But then again many strange things have been happening to me lately that I can't even begin to explain. To answer your question, No! I didn't kill myself. What you didn't know about me was that like yourself I too was gay. Before you panic, you're not infected. I discovered I was bisexual and a female partner I had later after we moved was HIV + and I didn't know it at the time and got the virus from her. I know you have many questions but I can't stay too long. The reason for my visit was because I wanted to let you know that I didn't forget you. We moved after the semester ended and my father got transferred to a new department within the company he worked for. I still love you even though you might not have felt that way towards me and when we broke up I was crushed. She suddenly faded away and another figure appeared... Hello Sean I am not sure you remember me. I am your mother's mother. I will be with you always. You are my only grandson and love you and wish you happiness even though you are a gay teen. I know you won't make my daughter any children but you will be meeting someone special. I can't tell you too much right now on this visit but with your gift you will know when you meet this very special guy. I hope that you will give him your love. Please go to counseling you will find a helpful place to talk to someone who is a listener while also giving you some good advice because you'll need a place you can talk freely and work through your pain. With that she was gone. Even though I felt like I was dreaming I wondered if indeed what I just experienced was a series of dreams or if I was indeed really visited by all the people who I just realized loved me. My Grandmother's visit was the most fascinating. She had some interesting news and as I reflected on what she said about counseling I began to realize that with the major loss in my life and the possibility of other losses, wait! I felt confused. On the one hand I needed to deal with the loss of Tom, but was I going to experience another loss? Who was I going to loose and why? Then there was the message about finding my soulmate. As I began to revisit this series of visits I realized that suddenly I was being shaken awake. My eyes flew open suddenly and I saw Danny frantically shaking me trying wake me. "Danny I'm awake already. I said to my little brother. "Okay I was worried because you were talking loudly in your sleep." he said to me. He then said that Tom had visited him. He visited me as well I told him. Then a sudden urge interrupted our conversation and I quickly ran to the bathroom since my bladder had the sensation of being full. Once I had taken care of that problem I returned to my room and found Danny had left. So I grabbed some clean clothes and decided to go shower before seeing if anyone else was awake. Given that it was 9:00 am on what appeared to be a beautiful fall Saturday. I went downstairs and just as my parents greeted me I began to feel dizzy and everything suddenly went black... Having been through this before I knew that it could be several days before I awake from this experience. I wasn't scared because as I said I slowly was becoming comfortable with the sudden blackouts. Suddenly I am at Tom's house and his mother is again sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of alcohol and this time a bottle of pills. She appears upset and has been drinking heavy while slowly taking pills. Suddenly Tom appears. This time he's got a joint. He fires that up in front of his mother who by this time is too wasted to care. "Do you know what today is Mom?" He asked checking to see if she even acknowledged his presence. Then it occurred to me. Shit that was on his birthday. His mother died on his fucking birthday!" I thought to myself. As I continued to watch Tom finally realized that his mother was dead. Given that he just smoked a joint he saw the bottle of alcohol and thought of not taking it. Then having second thoughts being that today was his birthday after all, he grabbed the bottle and left the house. Mind you he had just turned sixteen so by taking the bottle he saw that as the last birthday present he would ever receive from anyone. Suddenly, I smelled the smell I had smelled the other time that I came out of the last experience. As I open my eyes I don't utter a word but I have a sad expression on my face as everyone gathered around me looked upon me. Again I was handed a bowl and told to "Drink." Without protest I did as I was told. Again after drinking the contents I began to feel satisfied and at peace. As I sat there looking rather sad The question of whether I had continued seeing visions related to my previous experience a resounding fuck yes sounded in answer to the question. I told my mother I loved her very much and that something I had witnessed was saddening to me and made me realize something I did not know until now. I don't think she knew as I did that Tom's mother fucking died on the very day of his sixteenth birthday. As I thought about this, questions flooded me and suddenly I became overwhelmed and began crying uncontrollably. Once I regained control Danny approached me hugged me and nodded. I looked at him with confusion not understanding his response. Then he explained that he felt what I had seen and then explained that on that day he was taken and his hell began when he was put into the first of a several abusive foster homes before the day he showed up here. With that shared we hugged and for the first time kissed on the lips. Luckily we broke our lip lock just before dad walked over to where we were standing and announced that Lunch was ready. Over the next several months the visions kept showing me the unknown side of Tom until the vision where I actually witnessed Tom writing the letter that I had received on his birthday. I didn't realize until I saw and felt the pain and turmoil that this vision contained just how much Tom was fighting his own hell that ultimately lead him to self destruction. The more I became aware of Tom's hell the more I realized that despite all I could have said or done to ease his pain only would have complicated the friendship that had died at the wake of the discovery of the videotapes. Ultimately in my mind that was only one of several other factors that hurt me so deep that I felt heartbroken. Because Tom rejected me because he was too afraid to accept that he was born gay and that he couldn't see what I saw in not only myself but also what I saw in him as a sexual partner made his life hell. Over the next several weeks I talked to my mother about the visions and shared with her my observations and perceptions the best I could. I did tell her about the night that the three people visited me. She was fascinated when I had named Penny as one of those visitors and how she unlike Tom had suffered because of AIDS. Recently the boys responsible for the murder of Tom as it was eventually shown to me were responsible for more suspected gays being brutally beaten because of their lifestyle choices. Upon learning this I began to conceive an idea and talked to my `rents about the development of a Gay and Straight Alliance for our high school. Six weeks before the adoption hearing for my parents to finalize the adoption of Danny A new social worker and a couple of police officers unexpected came to the house acting on an anonymous accusation that Danny was being abused sexually. This devastated not only mom and dad but hit me very hard as well. The social worker working this particular case made the recommendation that our entire family needed to go undergo psychiatric evaluation. This definitely only caused me further visions in search of the truth behind these events. The judge overseeing the adoption temporarily suspended the foster care license until the child protection services could make an accurate assessment of the situation. This gradually brought the strong love that my parents had between them and quickly in a matter of months tore it to shreds. With the wake of these current events I started having more frequent black outs. One such incident happened while I was at school. My mom was called to the school since I had not regained consciousness. The school requested I be sent to the hospital for alcohol/drug testing since until this particular incident never showed any signs of these black outs. My mother carried me out of the school, as she unlike anyone else knew why I blacked out and whether or not she sensed anything from me I don't know. This particular vision started out with me in a cave. Tom, Danny and me are exploring this cave. The impressions I was getting had me totally confused since I could not in my memory find anytime during the times I had spent with Tom that he and I and including his cousin ever went to any caves. This vision gets weirder when Suddenly my Mom appears and becomes very much part of this vision. I was so lost and confused I could not make any sense of this because she just seemed to be a part of this vision. Then I realized that ever-familiar smell that brings me to the point of waking. As I opened my eyes my mother was kneeling next to me as always she handed me a bowl and instructed to me to drink. As always without protest I did as I was instructed knowing that eventually this would one day be revealed to me. My mother questioned me briefly about this vision that I had because she was mostly concerned because this one started while at school. I explained to her that this one was different and confusing too because Tom, Danny and me were exploring a cave. I don't have any remembrance of us ever visiting a cave. I then told her that she appeared and took part in this cave exploration. Then I told her I smelled a familiar smell that I have smelled just before waking. She then told me that the smell is an herbal mixture that is very similar to smelling salts used on a person who has fainted. The bowl is another herbal mixture for replenishing the body since the length of time the blackout spells can vary in length. The psychiatric evaluations that the whole family underwent gave us a diagnosis that did not look favorable in the eyes of the court when it came to the adoption of Danny. We attempted to fight the evaluation and with exception of my mother my father was suitable as a guardian for Danny. The problem was that with my mother living with us prohibited my father from being able to obtain custody. The fighting between my parents got so bad that my mother wound up moving out. Two months later they filed for divorce because of irreconcilable differences. Four months later my father became the single father of an eleven-year-old and a seventeen-year-old. Shortly after his hospitalization which was a period of several months Zack returned to this now single `rented family. As the school year came to a very rough close, my visions of Tom of course have continued since I first learned of his death. Mom and dad have been communicating and slowly rebuilding a friendship, but the love they shared will never be same. Sure, they will love each other but will never be able to live together as husband and wife. Another condition set out by the court was that Danny; Zack and me were required to go into counseling because of issues that we had. For me and Danny and Zack this was the loss of Tom. Danny had other issues, which included his childhood sexual abuse issues. Zack also has some abuse issues that he experienced at the hand of his former roommate. The drive to the office of Dr. Brown was quiet. Danny and I both looked at each other feeling nervous. When we arrived at the office dad received paperwork to fill out for both Danny and me. Zack received his own packet once he arrived. Once the paperwork was completed we all hugged and talked among ourselves. My appointment was first. I walked ahead of Dr. Brown and entered the office as I chose a comfortable place to sit. I was very nervous. Once seated Dr. Brown read over the forms that my Dad had filled out. Dr. Brown is an older man in his mid 40's. After reading through my paperwork He then told me how sorry he was about the loss I have experienced. In a calm, soothing voice he shared with me that his hope for me was to assist me in finding the healing that I sought. Dr. Brown then asked me about my sexual experiences and why I felt I was gay. He told me he was not going to judge me. I explained that ever since I was twelve I had felt I was gay and at fifteen I knew I liked boys. He explained that he had counseled many young gays who have lead a healthy life and some have found a loving partner after a horrible experience and they were greatly blessed. Then I shared with him the embarrassing moment of when Dad walked in on Tom and I in the heat of passion. Then he questioned me about how parents felt about having a gay son and how they reacted to the discovery of Tom and me. I explained that at first they were upset while at the same time they shared with me what they had hoped for me. I further explained that I wouldn't be providing any grandchildren, which is what they hoped for. We continued the session with many questions and answers while Dr. Brown would occasionally take notes. Just before ending the session Dr. Brown commented that he understood that I and Tom's Brother and Cousin wanted to see the Dr. as a group because the loss of Tom affected us as a group. The doctor agreed that he could see us as group and individually. I left the office with him behind me and we walked to the waiting area. He explained to Danny that he would be with him shortly. A few minutes later he returned and Danny had walked ahead of him and entered his office. After what felt like several hours later but was really only two and half Danny walked into the waiting room with Dr. Brown behind him. Dr. Brown got a cup of coffee and headed to his office. Within 20 minutes, he was back into the waiting room to see Zack. Once his session ended we all checked out and made our first group appointment. Dad decided he would take us to dinner for Pizza at a fancy Italian restaurant that we all liked. Over dinner, we each discussed our likes and dislikes of our sessions. We all agreed that we felt comfortable with Dr. Brown. He had explained to us that he would occasionally use text from the bible when he felt it was applicable. We all agreed that it would be useful to us. When we left the restaurant, we went out for ice cream at Dairy Queen. That night when I went to bed I once again was visited. The first visitor like the last time I experienced this started out with Tom. Tom told me he was pleased that I was beginning to understand the events that lead to his death. He was sorry he couldn't tell me any other way about the time that we spent apart since he knew I understood why we couldn't spend any further time together. When we finished the visit he told me that he still loved me and always would even though his time on earth was short. The next visitor was not unexpected and was welcomed very much. Again Penny visited me like before and was pleased that I was able to openly share with a stranger my brief experience of how I became friends with a girl, tried dating her for a short period of time and then sadly ended that relationship sadly. Of course my last visitor again was my Grandmother. She was very proud that I had started the counseling. She did shed some light on the one vision that seemed very strange and out of place. The cave vision was a symbol of the dark force that until now was very weak. The events that occurred, Tom's death, his parent's death, Danny's abuse and Zack's abuse and of course my parent's divorce weren't because of anything we couldn't control, but rather because the dark force that many call evil, grew strong and tore the very lives apart of those close to me. She instructed me to give my mother the following message: Zala Espona Femu Talha. My grandmother explained that my mother would explain that message if she chose to do so. Confused by the message I was to tell my mother I made sure that I would not forget the words that suddenly seemed natural and familiar to my vocabulary. As the night continued I slept soundly until the sun shining through my bedroom window awakened me. Strange! I thought quietly to my self "Until now I had never noticed the sun through my window waking me like this before." I looked out my window and noticed that the ground was covered in a fresh layer of fallen snow. The more I began to look at this morning I realized that there was something different. I felt more alive that I had before and that this was the beginning of a beautiful winter day. Author's note: This concludes the first chapter of a new series called Sean and Greg. I hope you have enjoyed reading this chapter. Hopefully the next chapter will not take nearly as long for me to post as this chapter has. Questions, Comments and feedback welcomed at Talkwriter2004@yahoo.com