Date: Sun, 30 Dec 2001 21:07:35 -0800 From: Robert Just Robert Subject: My Not So Miserable Life The following is a work of fiction. It depicts graphic scenes of sex between a minor boy and adult males.****The usual disclaimers apply. If you are under 18 years of age or such stories are illegal where you live, please don't read it. The author retains all right to this story, please do not repost without my permission. Comments are welcome. My Not So Miserable Life Chapter One I remember standing in the rain naked, I must have been about six years old, no I was seven. I remember I had just started first grade, my birthday being in September so I had to wait an extra year to start school. I saw him at the window, he was watching me. He came out after a few minutes and picked me up and carried me into the house. He was my step-dad but all I ever called him was John. My mom had married him when I was four and he was really the only dad I had ever known, but I wouldn't call him dad. That name was reserved for my real dad. My real dad had died when I was three years old. I would like to say I remember a lot about him, but the truth is...I don't. I do have bits and pieces of memories, like him holding me up on his shoulders so I could see Santa Claus in the parade. Stuff like that, but I don't even remember what his voice sounded like or what he looked like. Oh, sure I've seen his face in pictures, but truthfully if mom hadn't told me that was him, I would have never known it. John carried me into the house and into his room. Mom was at work, she always seemed to be gone lately. He was drying my body with a big fluffy towel as he held me on his lap. He smiled at me strangely that day, and I should have known something was wrong. He was hugging me now, his hands roaming over the parts of my body that were usually covered. I wasn't scared, in fact it felt good to have him hold me and touch me that way. But, the look in his eyes scared me. He laid me down on the bed and I watched curiously as he undressed. I had never seen him naked before, and I was curioius as most boys are. His penis was hard and looked huge to my seven year old eyes, but in fact he was on the small side. As he crawled into bed beside me I knew something was going to happen, I just didn't know what. He was kissing me now, it tickled when he kissed my stomach and nipples. My own little penis was erect now, a fact I didn't really understand. He was touching my penis now and although I knew it was bad, it felt so good. I was scared but like most kids, I felt powerless to resist. He was an adult and I was his, it was that simple. I decided to just lay back and let him do whatever he wanted. He rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him. I could feel his hard penis rubbing against me and my own little rod was pushing against him. It felt very dirty, but strangely wonderful. His hands were moving up and down my back and he was touching my butt. Suddenly he pulled me up his body until my crotch was in his face. Then before I could reason why anyone would want to do such a thing, he swallowed my hard little boy penis. I felt his greedy mouth working on my flesh and I was afraid he was going to bite it off at first. Then the most wonderful feeling surged through my body. As he sucked on my tender boyhood, he was masturbating furiously. With his other hand he was rubbing my ass and his finger pushed against my little hole. I was lost in fear and ectasy. Suddenly my little cock twitched and I experienced my first dry orgasm. He seemed to sense something had happened but he continued to hold my rapidly shrinking boyhood in his mouth as he finished his own penis off. I felt hot liquid hit my back and I turned to see his penis shoot a long stream of white fluid. He pushed me back down on his body and held me tightly. Then he sat up suddenly. The look in his eyes frightened me more than anything he had done or could do to me. He held me like a baby, rocking me as tears ran down his face. I was suddenly very tired. Before long I was asleep. I awoke as I heard a gun shot. I sat up and stared at the closed door leading to his bathroom. I knew what he had done was wrong, and he had done the only thing he could to punish himself for it. I knew what I would find if I went to him, and I could not face that reality. So I dealt with it the only way I could, I burrowed under the covers and forced myself to sleep. **************************************************************************** John Andrews had always loved boys. As a teenager he had managed to find boys who were willing to experiment. Cousins, neighbor kids, even stranger he met at parks or playgrounds. He had been quite good at convincing them to partcipate, many coming back for more. When he got older he found it harder to find boys, and he turned to men for sexual pleasure. But, good as it was he, always knew that if the opportunity arose he would rather have a boy. The gay life just wasn't what John had thought it would be. He hated the one night stands and the lonliness. He met Wanda Phillips at work and he found her bright and funny. He found himself drawn to her, despite his previous attraction to men. Then when he met Wanda's son Collin, he found a whole new reason to like her. At first Collin didn't take to him like he has wanted, Wanda told him he was just shy, that he had'nt had a man in his life for a long time and he just needed time. John didn't understand, he had never had trouble relating to boys before and Collin was a challenge. He and Wanda continued to date and eventually they were married. John never understood why Collin didn't treat him as he thought he should. He was after all the boy's father now, but the boy refused to call him that. He called him John and that irritated him beyond words. But, try as he might he could not get close to the boy. He sank further and further into depression as he watched the beautiful boy that he so desired, grow more and more distant. He hadn't meant to do anything to the boy, but when he saw him dancing naked in the rain, he felt an urge he couldn't control. He brought the boy inside and towelled him off. At first he intended to dress him and just cuddle with him, the one thing the boy would allow, but something inside him snapped. He knew there was no going back as he undressed, his penis swelling with anticipation. He pulled the boy to him and caressed and kissed every inch of his perfect body. He was drawn in by the smell, the taste and the feel of his perfect smooth body. The boy was hard. Did he know what he was doing, did he want it too? He convinced himself that Collin had just been teasing him, that now he knew what they both must do to be a family. He convinced himself that it was what he wanted and he pulled the boy on top of him, sucking in his hard hot boyhood. The taste and smell filled his senses with a desire he had felt many before times in his younger years. He ate the boys sex as if it were a meal for a starving man. He felt the boy orgasm, and wondered if it was his first. His own hand moved faster and faster on his engorged organ and suddenly he orgasmed shooting stream after stream of copious spunk onto the boy's body. With orgasm came the guilt and the reality of what he had done. He held the boy close, he really did love him. He was such a perfect little being, why didn't he love him back? The pain filled his soul, hot and bittersweet. He cried as he held the boy and he saw the fear in his eyes. What had he done, how could he be so cruel. He rocked the boy until he slept. He lay him down and covered him up and placing one last kiss on his sweet lips he left him quietly. In the bedside table he pulled out his pistol and checked the chamber. There was three rounds. He took one last look at the sleeping boy and was overcome by his beauty. He wept openly as he walked to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He sat in the bathtub and placed the pistol in his mouth. His last words were..."God forgive me." The blast blew out the back side of his head, splashing his brains against the wall. **************************************************************************** I remeber my mother picking me up from the bed and she looked puzzled to see me naked. The ambulance was taking him out on a stretcher. He was covered from head to toe with a sheet, a bloody spot forming on the end near his head. I watched with interest but no emotion whatsoever. I knew he was dead, and I knew why. I could had believed it was my fault, but I didn't care. I was seven years old, I was still innocent until that day. **************************************************************************** Chapter Two I was eleven when my mom married Rick. Rick was five years older than my mom and a lazy overweight bum. He never like kids, and he made it clear to me that he had no interest in being any kind of parent to me. Actually that suited me just fine, I was glad he hated me. It made it easier to hate him. It seemed like I needed someone to hate my whole life. First it was John then my mom, and now Rick. I was one fucked up little boy at eleven. Then I met Rick's brother Mark. Mark was 25 and had just got divorced. He had a son named Mike, but everyone including me called him Mikey. He was a cool kid, even though he was only 6. I liked him , at least we got along okay. But it was Mark that I really liked. Once I met Mark I knew I had found a man I could love. Keep in mind I was only 11, but I knew I was gay. I had known since that rainy afternoon when I was seven. I never quite got over John killing himself like that. The bad thing is, he didn't have to do it. I would never have told on him. It took me years to figure it out, but I loved John. I had just been a hateful coniving little shit. I could have had a decent relationship with him if I had just opened up. I guess I did finally blame myself for his death, even though my mom and all the therapists told me it was not my fault. Anyway, Mark came along at a time in my life when I really needed someone. My mom and I had a very strained relationship. I hated her for making me go to the therapist and for marrying Rick. But, after I met Mark I was glad she had. Mark made me smile again. I don't know what it was about him, but everyone seemed to like him. He was handsome as guys go, at least to my 11 year old eyes. He had a nice , hard body from working out and I liked looking at it. I saw him naked the third time I visited him. John would send my over to Mark's anytime he and mom wanted to go out or be alone. I always wondered why Mark would want to put up with a stupid messed up kid like me, I would find out very soon. Anyway on my third visit, we were alone. He had visitation rights every other weekend with Mikey, and this was the weekend he was free. John dropped me off at Mark's early that Saturday morning, he and mom were going to Vegas for the weekend. I was to stay over with Mark, he had a spare bedroom where Mikey usually slept. I assumed I 'd be bunking with Mikey but when I walked in and the kid didn't jump on me like he usually did, I knew he wasn't there. Mark came out of his bedroom wearing only a pair of running shorts. I stared at his bare chest and what I later found out was called a six-pack. He was so perfect that he took my breath away. Now, I know you're thinking, what does an 11 year old know about that kind of stuff. I told you, I knew I was gay and I knew that guys like Mark made me horny. I didn't know if he liked me like I liked him, but I knew something was up. I could see that something tenting his running shorts and it looked monstrous to my young eyes. I think he caught me looking, and he smiled and chuckled a little. "I been working out, I'm gonna take a quick shower." He said flashing that smile that I loved so much. "Why don't ya come on in and keep me company. We can talk while I get ready. Then we can decide what we're gonna do this weekend." I nodded absent-mindedly still not sure if he was as interested as I was. Once in the bathroom he wasted no time dropping those running shorts. He was naked beneath, but his cock had lost a little of its stiffness. It was maybe 5" in the state it was in, but I found out later that erect it was 7.5". Considering my own cock was about 3.5" fully erect that was quite a revealation. He was over twice my age and twice my cock size. I figured if that was how it worked, someday I'd have a big one too. I watched unashamedly as he turned on the water and made small talk before stepping in. "Ummmm, this water feels so nice. You should join me, the warm water feels so good." He suggested after a few minutes. I should have seen that as a sign, but even knowing what I knew, it still seemed innocent enough. I had showered the night before and didn't feel dirty, but "What the hell." I figured I could always use a shower. I was a kid, kid's were always dirty. "Really, you want me to?" I asked innocently. "Yeah, come on in. The water's nice." He said excitedly. I shrugged and began undressing. I could feel his eyes on my body as I stepped into the shower. Amazingly my dick wasn't hard. Lately, just getting naked produced a raging hard-on that I usually took care by hand. He seemed to be ignoring me at first as he soaped up his perfect body. His cock was hard again and I could see the veins bulging with his hot manly blood. I felt my own cock begin to climb, until it pressed agianst my belly, hot and hard. He smiled at me and ask me to soap up his back. With trembling hands I took the soap and began meekly lathering up his strong hard back. I went as low as his ass, but stopped there until he urged me on. I soaped the round globes of his ass and I swear I heard him moan. I was afraid to work my hand or the soap into his crack, but he moved a bit opening it up and I knew he wanted me too. I was a freaking mess of nerves as I let my hand and the soap creep into a place I had never been on anyone but myself. He did moan this time, loudly, and I felt the hair on the back of my head stand up. I didn't know what to do next, but I was saved by him turning around suddenly, almost knocking the soap out of my hand with his erection. I gulped and stared , mouth open and he giggled. "Now, let me wash you." He said taking the soap from my trembling hands. I started to turn around but he held me in position and began soaping up my neck and shoulders. He moved on down to my chest and I felt my nipples go hard. Then he was swirling around on my stomach, down to my belly button and his hand touched my cock. I panicked at first, memories flooded back to me of that rainy day so long ago. But this felt different and I pushed the memories out of my mind. I wanted Mark to touch me, I wanted to touch him. I wanted to have sex with this man, and as odd as that may sound I knew he wanted it too. He looked into my eyes and I guess he saw the need, the longing , and the acceptance there. He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. "Are you sure?" He whispered. "Yes." I whispered back knowing exactly what he meant. He rinsed us off and towelled me dry before drying his own body. He smiled as he led me to the bedroom and sat on the bed. I nervously stretched out on the bed and looked at him expectantly. He ask me if I was okay with this. My god, what did I have to do, take his dick in my hand. I said yes almost angrily and he recoiled, a little unsure at first. "It's okay if you just want to be buddies. I love you kiddo, and I don't want to ever do anything to hurt you." All I heard was the part about loving me. That was enough to remove any lingering doubts I had. I loved him too, I had since the first day he called me "Kiddo". I loved the way he said it, the tenderness and love in his voice, in his smile and in his touch. I licked my dry lips and tried to speak, at first my voice cracked. Then I tried again and manged to choke out. "I love you too. I want to do this." Ten words, ten words that eased his concious and made it all alright. He lay down beside me and began rubbing my stomach gently. I loved his touch. My boy dick was jumping like it was being electrocuted. Then he began to nuzzle my ear and whisper, "I love you." over and over again. I felt his tongue invade my ear and despite how gross I had always thought that was, I loved it. It made my slender little body shiver. He kissed my neck and and worked up to my cheek. When he leaned in to kiss my lips, I was ready. I knew all about kissing, I had learned it from a girl. I didn't like girls, but one thing they knew how to do was kiss. And for most girls that was enough. I practiced and practiced on any girl who was willing just for this moment. I was a greedly little pig for his lips and tongue and he chuckled with surprise. But he liked it, I could tell. He held me really gently as we kissed for what seemed like an hour. My dick had never been so hard and I wanted to touch it so bad, to jerk it off and feel that wonderful feeling. But, most of all, I wanted to touch Mark's dick. I wanted to feel a grown man's hard-on and jerk it off. I knew all about cumming but, my own little dick was still dry. I felt him break the kiss and move back down to my neck kissing and nibbling on my sensitive skin. When he moved down to my nipples I shook with excitement. He nibbled at them for a few minutes before placing kisses on my chest and stomach. I felt his tongue invade my belly button and my hard rod was pressing against his neck. When he finally took my dick into his mouth I cried out softy. He must have thought he hurt me for he looked up questiongly at me. The look on my face must have reasurred him, because he began sucking like a calf at his momma's tit. I was thrusting like mad as he swirled him tongue around my sensitve trigger and began moving faster and faster up and down my hard pole. He was squeezing my balls gently as he sucked and it was driving me crazy. He let my cock slip from his mouth long enough to lick and suck on my tiny boy balls, taking both in his mouth at once before going back to my aching dick. I held out as long as I could, but my young dick was too inexperienced to keep it up for long. I felt the rush coming over me and I whimpered as I felt my orgasm build. It was the most intense feeling I had ever felt, and I felt like I would pass out. I was vaguely aware of another feeling that day as my balls took that moment to produce and despense their first tiny load. Mark lapped at it like it was a feast and was grinning widely as he cleaned my still trobbing dick off and moved back up beside me. "Was that your first cum?" He ask softly. I couldn't help but grin proudly as I nodded my head. "God, that is so awesome. Thanks for letting me be the one to taste your first." Mark said beaming. I guess he really liked it, later I would find out that getting a boys first load was kind of like taking a virgin. I had jerked off almost all my young life, but this was a whole new experiece. I rested a minute wondering what Mark wanted to do next. I still wanted to grab that big cock of his and jerk him off, but I was too shy. He lay beside me and kissed me again and I couldn't help myself. I stretched my small hand down until I managed to feel his stiff man cock. It was wet on the end, later I found out that wetness was called pre-cum, and it felt slick in my hand. I began moving my hand up and down that fat head and he moaned. He moved onto his back and I moved down on the bed so I could see what I was doing and get a better grip. I was cock crazy all of a sudden. I began jerking him so hard he was bouncing around on the bed. I remember looking at his face and he had this big-assed shit-eating grin on it. He reached out and started stroking the arm I was leaning on and I felt goose flesh form. Suddenly he was sort of moaning and he was humping my hand faster and faster. Then I saw the slit open up a little and a long white rope of cum shot three feet straight up. I continued to milk the monster as he shot three more long volleys of thick spunk into the air. My hand was covered with the stuff and I shook it off as I finally released my grip on his pole. He pulled me on top of him and I felt his slimy cock pusing against my belly. He kissed me tenderly, but thoroughly and I returned it. My own cock had climbed back to a state of excitedness and was pressing into the hot, slick spunk between us. At eleven I cold cum at least six times in a row, but three was all I managed that day. Mark matched me cum for cum and it was evening before we finally showered again and got dressed. We didn't talk about what we had done, but we both understood that it was okay, and that we would do it again. I didn't need him to tell me I couldn't tell anyone, I knew that, and he knew I knew. He hadn't forced me, he didn't threaten me or warn me about the consequences of revealing our love, he felt what I felt. We were okay with what we had done, and to us it was what we both needed and wanted. My 11 year old mind didn't know the words or the concept, but we were lovers from that day forward. Well at least for the next three years. We went out for dinner, a movie and came back and went to bed. We didn't have sex again that night. Now that I look back on it, I wasn't really surprised. We were content to hold each other, I guess sex was only part of what we shared. I felt safe and warm in his strong embrace and I fell asleep with his kisses on my face and lips. **************************************************************************** Chapter Three I don't know how Rick found out about us, but once he had everyone knew. I was fourteen when the shit hit the fan and I wasn't allowed to see Mark ever again. He also lost visitation rights with his son, but everyone agreed that no purpose would be served in sending Mark to jail. I mourned his loss as deeply as if he had died. It wasn't fair that the only person who ever loved me was taken away by some stupid law. I knew what I was doing, Mark didn't force me, he didn't hurt me. I loved him with all my heart and soul and now I couldn't see him ever again. I cried so much those first few weeks that I couldn't function. I lost ten pounds, a lot for a skinny fourteen year old boy, and my mom sent me to a hospital. The Oakwood Recovery Center was really one big looney bin. I was diagnosed as manic depressent and told I had an eating disorder . The truth was, all that wrong was me was that I was grieving the loss of my soul mate. I played the game and told the shrinks what they wanted to hear, I had one goal in mind. I wanted out so I could run away. I hadn't planned much further ahead than that. I guess somewhere in my mind, I thought I'd be able to see Mark again if I was free. I didn't know that it was too late for us. Mark had died the first week I was admitted to Oakwood. I found out the hard way, I saw a newspaper article. Mark would never have taken his own life, I knew that deep in my heart. The car crash that ended his life had to be a horrible accident. I found my self strangely calm as I read the article and I wondered where my tears were. I was in shock, but I didn't have anyone to help me, the shrinks were too busy jumping to their own conclusions. Deep inside I guess I knew I had lost Mark a long time ago and I had already done all the grieving. My plan didn't change, I still wanted out. I wanted to run away, only now I had no one to ever run to. I was alone again. I was released in December of 99. I remember it was a Monday and the weather was unseasonably warm. My mom picked me up, she had divorced Rick earlier that year, and then went back to work. It couldn't have worked out better. I knew where she kept her emergency stash of money and I pulled it out. There was almost three hundred dollars there. I left fifty and took the rest. I packed my school backpack with the few clothes I thought I'd need and left my mom a note. Dear Mom: You can't know how hard I tried to be a good son, but now I see I have been bad all my life. I loved Mark and he loved me, but no one understood. I loved John too, and now they're both dead. Don't hate me, mom. I love you too. Don't come looking for me, I want to be alone. Love, Collin I cried as I put the note up on the refrigerator beside a drawing I had done as a kid. My mom had saved it all these years and it was yellowed and worn. I wiped the tears from my eyes and walked out of my house for the last time. I was fourteen, and alone but somehow I'd make it. I didn't have any trouble getting a ride, even though I had to let the guy suck my dick before it was all over. He dropped me off about 300 miles down the road and gave me a twenty. He was a nice enough guy, but I didn't love him. I wanted to give my body to someone who loved me and who I loved back. I found out the hard way that isn't the way of the world. Once I hit the mean streets of L.A. I found out just how popular a fourteen year old gay kid can be. I turned so many tricks and sucked so many dicks that sex was more like a dull endless job than the beautiful sharing that Mark had introduced me to so long ago. When I turned sixteen I had my own apartment and a driver's license, but no car. Thank god , I looked younger than my years and to my tricks I was 14 or 15. I knew that soon my appeal would fade as I reached manhood and I'd either have to find an honest job or find a new area to trick in. I was never really what you would call happy. In fact the only times I can remember being happy were when I was with Mark. Sometimes I toyed with the idea of ending my life. I wanted to go see Mark in heaven. Yes, I believed in God. But, I also believed that suicide was the only unforgiveable sin. I didn't want to end my life and wind up in Hell. I prayed that God would find a way for me to leave and still see Mark in heaven. Yes, I knew in my heart that Mark was in heaven. He had loved me and his son with all his being and to me that was what being a good person was all about. I didn't deserve Mark, but he had come to me when I needed him most and shown me love. I hated all those who had kept us apart and felt that if they had just left us alone, we would still be together. I was at a real low spot in my life that day I met Kelly. I had been worked over pretty good by this asshole trick who liked it rough. I made 500 dollars but, I was sore as hell and pretty messed up. I didn't do drugs, a real rare thing on the steets of L.A., so I didn't have that high to take that edge off or hide behind. I was ready to give up, just lay down and die if that was possible. I had no pleasure, no hope but no way to end it all. I was one miserable kid that day. I don't even know why I went there, to Disneyland that is. I had been there a few times with some of the other boys on the street but, I never really got into all that fun stuff. I wanted to be in a crowd I guess, lost in the shuffle of mankind, but still alone. I didn't really ride anything, I was just looking around and eating everything I could get my hands on. I was sitting on a bench eating ice cream when I made eye contact with this guy. The guy was about 5'10" and a little stocky but not fat. He wasn't drop dead gorgeous or anything but he was an alright looking guy. He had a kind face and expressive eyes, I figured he was interested but, I was off duty. I looked away but when I looked back he was still staring. Something in his eyes, told me there was more to him. I smiled and he smiled back. "Shit" I thought to myself, "Why did I do that, now he thinks I'm interested." Only thing was, I was interested. I don't know why. Maybe I really didn't want to be alone. Anyway it was too late to worry now, he was coming toward me. **************************************************************************** Kelly The kid had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They looked like they belonged to a little boy, not the healthy teenager I saw staring sweetly back at me. I had been a boylover all my life, and this boy looked like he needed some love. I hadn't rationalized what I would say or do once I got to him, but I was helpless to resist his magnetism. I felt a lump form in my throat as I got closer. He looked up and smiled and I felt hot and thumpy inside. "Hey." I heard myself say. God, damn brillant conversationalist I am. "Hey." He replied sweetly. "I...I'm Kelly." I said sticking out my hand like a fool. "Collin." He said shaking my hand. "I love this place." I said trying to pull myself out of this pickle. "I used to come here a lot when I was a kid." "Yeah, I guess I would have liked it as a kid." The boy said loosing his smile. I could see the pain in his face, and I just wanted to reach out and hug him. "So, are you here alone?" I ask looking around. "Yeah, just me. You?" "Yeah, I live alone." I said then wondered if that sounded desperate and suggestive. "You live around here close?" He asked, suddenly very attentive. "Yeah, not far." I said wondering what was next. "Can we go there?" He asked as nonchanlantly as if he had asked the time of day. I swallowed hard. Did I hear him right? Did he want to go to my place. Did I want him to come there. Yes, I decided on all counts. I nodded and he followed me to my car. I didn't know what to say as we drove, but I didn't have to speak. This beautiful young boy opened up and told me his entire life story. The tears ran down his face and my own blinded me and I wiped at them in an effort to keep the car on the road. In the short trip to my place I knew all his secrets all his pain and I felt overcome by it. I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and hold him forever. I never wanted this boy to suffer another moment for as long as he lived. Why had he come to me, when I myself was at such a low place in my life. Alone and lonely, I had contemplated suicide many times. I now had a reason to go on. I had Collin. Once at my place he sat down and looked very small and tired. I fixed us a sandwich and some soup, but he only picked at his food. He had become as quiet as he had been verbal before, and the tension hung in the air around us. I sighed and sat beside him on the couch risking a light touch of his soft cheek. His expressive eyes met mine and my heart ached with his pain. A single tear ran down his cheek and I touched it with my finger and wiped it away. I kissed his tear stained face and he collapsed into me sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. I held him tightly patting and soothing him for hours. He was like a small child, clinging to me every moment and eager to cuddle. I stayed up with him in my arms till almost midnight. I didn't know what was next, would he stay the night. I guessed he would. I didn't have a real bed in my place. I slept on the couch and there wasn't enough room for both of us. I made up my mind to offer him the couch, I could sleep on the floor nearby. He thanked me over and over and appologized for the inconvenience. He was obvioiusly very tired, bearing your soul takes a lot out of you, trust me, I know. He looked so sweet, so innocent laying there. It was hard to believe all the things he had told me. I stretched out on the floor and tried to sleep. **************************************************************************** I don't know what it was about Kelly that I liked. He didn't look anything like Mark, he wasn't buff or young like Mark had been, but deep inside he had something that I craved. I knew the moment he had spoke to me that we were destined to be together. I wanted him to know everything about me, and then if he still wanted me, I was his. He cried, oh my god, he cried. I had never had anyone besides Mark cry for me. I knew then that he was like me, lost and alone and we needed each other. I let him hold me and soothe me until I was ready. He gave me his couch to sleep on, what a gentleman. He was sleeping on the hard floor and I had his bed. How lucky had I been to go to the one place that I usually avoided. How lucky had I been to find the one person in the whole damn world who understood me. I tried to sleep but, my mind wouldn't let me. I wanted to be near him. I crawled clumsily off the couch and felt around for him, he was awake and looked at me curiously. I crawled under his blanket and snuggled up into his warm embrace. He kissed me gently and held me tenderly, like a father holds a child. I melted into his body and I felt his heat. I didn't know if he wanted what I did at that moment, but I had to try. I reached for his hardness and he moaned softy. He wanted it too. We undressed each other in a frenzy and we kissed long and hard before he started devouring my body. He loved me despite all I had done, all I had been. He took me for what I was and what I would be. I was his. Not since Mark had I ever experienced such a satisfying orgasm. When I had regained my senses I offered my body to him and he took me gently into his arms. He entered me slowly and gently and made love to my body. I would never again be satisfied with just sex, I only wanted sex with love. Kelly knew what I needed, and I knew what he needed. My heart beat as if for the first time. I knew love and I would never be the same. I was no longer the scared, hurt little boy that had danced in the rain and lost his innocense. I was a man now, and I had found someone who accepted me as I was. My life would never be the same. My life was not so miserable after all. The End. This story is dedicated to Kelly, who pulled me out of my hole and made me love again. Love ya, buddy, Robert.